#if she is so bound to him there is nearly no seperation | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

milliemuus · 3 months ago

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Day TWO of toxicchaintober is rolling around, and the prompt was chains!

This is kind've sad, but necessary. Evil villain plot stuff, yk? Maybe don't get so greedy, Kieran smh

Speaking of villain origin story, why don't I write y'all a little excerpt?

READ BELOW THE CUT (!!!!MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING FOR ASPHYXIATION!!!!)

It was a very dark night.

Kieran hurriedly raced away from home, having snuck out of the house without getting caught. His adrenaline, mixed with both fear and anticipation, rushed through his veins with each trot as he made his way to the bridge that seperated town from the wilderness. He knew he really shouldn't be out here this late, but given the circumstances, he didn't care.

It was about time he grew up, anyway.

As he reached the path that led to Kitakami Hall he took a turn, headed down the slope and toward the river.

"I just have to remember how to get to the woods, and then out of sight for a little while." He panted, coming to a stop before approaching the bubbling stream before him. He looked down at the water for a moment, taking in his reflection.

"I look...I look so tired..." he whispered, still drawing in deep breaths. He brought a hand up to his cheek.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this?" He asked himself, feeling the small, familiar flicker of irritation as he began to recall the events since coming back home.

"You make your first friend, want to prove to her you're not some loser wimp and then your stupid sister comes in and swoops her away! And now she won't even talk to you, much less look at you!" He growled, his panting becoming slower. Even still, his heart pounded in a mix of bubbling frustration and fatigue.

"You can't even make friends right, much less DESERVE ANY!" His voice rose, echoing through the still air as he swiped the water with his hand, as if to eradicate the insecure reflection before him. This caused some neaeby ducklett to quack from being startled.

"I hate you! I hate this stupid town, and I hate my sister. It's all your fault!" He rambled on.

"If you weren't SO WEAK—" He grit his teeth, near forgetting why he was here before he felt a rattling in his pouch, nearly causing him to fall over in surprise.

"Ghh-?!"

His fanny pack rattled again. Oh...right. He shouldn't be here wasting his time. The thing rattling in his backpack had reminded him of wby he was headed to his destination in the first place.

He sighed, taking a deep breath.

"If I stay any longer, someone'll be bound to find me. I gotta get going." With that, he set off once again, this time he was going to make sure he didn't lose breath.

...

After what felt like forever, he recognized the thick greenery of the forest. Many had warned him of the dangers, but he didn't care. He stopped, clenching his fist.

"I have to go in." He swallowed "I have to prove my worth. Maybe then she'll like me then." He then began scaling the steeper hill of the forest, making sure he didn't tumble on the way down.

As he landed at the bottom, he whispered "I wonder how she does this...I'm already done outta breath..."

He sounded disappointed in himself, shaking his head.

"No, Kieran. Steel yourself. Part of the training is tolerance!" He growled softly, pushing deep into the dark woodland of Timeless Woods.

Thankfully he was wearing his jacket—so many swaths of bramble had poked out, scraping his legs. As annoying as it was, he would just stomp them to the ground with a flare of annoyance.

"No doubt meemaw is going to question how I got these in my sleep," he thought to himself.

"Maybe I can just say my Sentret did it out of excitement....seems believeable."

Convincing himself, he pushed forward, a branch near hooking his headband. He growled at this, struggling for a moment before it let go.

"Geez...!" He adjusted his headband.

"To be honest, is this even worth coming so far?" He began asking himself, now wandering aimlessly. "That voice said it would be...so I guess it wouldn't hurt. Still..." As he was about to speak, a loud shriek echoed in the distance, the hair on the bsck of his neck standing up.

"A-Aw man....I oughta make this quick, then-"

Without further hesitation, he knew he had no choice but to go forward. He whimpered slightly, throat burning in fear as he picked up the pace.

"Did we really have to meet out here...?!" He panted again, already losing the air pocketed in his tiny lungs. The terrain here was unstable; what if he fell? What if a scary pokémon caught up to him-?!

The panic rose in his chest. He felt more hypervigilant, the rattling in his pouch only startling him further.

"W-Wait...!" He puffed "We're almost there—"

He could faintly make out an area in the distance, his focus locking onto it. The pouch rattled again, this time with more ferocity.

"C-Can't you just wait?! I'm trying, here!" He wailed, his hands travelling to his fanny pack. Whatever it was, it was ready to come out compared to when he was near Mossui.

He began unzipping it, eyes still locled onto the clearing ahead.

Zzziiiiip-!

"Okay, I'll give you some ai— Wuuaahh—!" Suddenly the weight under his feet was gone, his body feeling as if it was soaring. A choked cry escaped his throat before it was automatically stifled by his front-half landing on the ground.

"Oomph—! Oowww..."

Kieran whimpered. He slowly sat up onto his knees, trying to rub his eyes.

"Mmghhh...uh?" He stopped, his vision refocusing. That's when he noticed something small and a pinkish-purple laying in the grass in front of him, moonlight reflecting off of it.

He began grabbing at his pouch, realizing that it was now empty as well.

"What-?! How did-?!" He scooched up further, about to grab it and stuff it back in the bag before his eyes landed on two, yellow orbs that stared right back at him.

"WH-WHAT THE--?!" He took his hand away. The item-now-turned-creature hissed.

"Silence, child!"

It rattled, this time the weird, soft shell began to undulate.

The air felt like it was sucked out of Kieran's throat. What the hell was going on...? Had he hit his head too hard somehow? Maybe ate too many sweets the day prior?! He had to slap himself for a moment, as if he was dreaming.

"Ugh....this is just a dream...it has to be a dream..."

The creature rolled its eyes for a moment before Kieran felt something—something that physically wasn't there—grab his face. This grabbed his attention, his whole body tensing up as he sensed danger.

"You call yourself a "trainer", yet you can't tell when a pokémon is right in front of you or not. How pathetic..."

With it's soft outer shell, the creature hoisted itself up. It was shaky, much like the spherical-shaped robots breaking down like in sci-fi movies Kieran had seen. He watched in horror as the peach-shaped pokémon lifted itself in the air.

For him, this was like witnessing the birth of Arceus, or the existence of life itself. Did Millie know what this thing was?

As he sat there, dumbfounded, the tight, invisible feeling left his face. He reached to rub his chin instinctively, looking at the creature that was slowly regaining its strength.

"You...you can speak?" He asked shakily.

"Yes...I suppose I am able to now..."

"Now?"

"It does not matter. What matters right now is that I have brought you out here for a multitude of reasons..." The creature's yellow-eyes squinted at the child. Kieran sat there, watching its every move as it began floating around him, as if to observe him. It stopped above his head, leaning in a little closer.

"Wh-What are you doing...?" Kieran asked, confused.

The peach-shaped creature's horns seemed to move back for a moment before it floated away from Kieran, looking down at him.

"Studying you...you'll see." The creature finally answered. Kieran tilted his head.

"Studying me? Why?"

The creature floated up to his face, glaring at him.

"It is simple, foolish child. I need your help." The creature insulted Kieran, which he slightly looked away in agitation.

"We both are in a predicament, and I think we could benefit from one another, no?"

This caught Kieran's attention. His eyes flickered for a moment.

"Y-Yeah!" He barked, before his face contorted in confusion.

"Wait...how did you know I was going through somethin' right now?" Kieran, now struck with realization, stared down the anomaly in front of him. The creature gently shook from side-to-side.

"Peh-heh-heh...you really are so stupid...I really did hit the jackpot with you..."

Kieran's fists balled up as he sat there, becoming impatient.

"Enough with the insults! Just...answer my question." Kieran's voice was more demanding, it taking all of him to not just grab at the creature and scream at it. The critter made a weird groaning sound, rolling its eyes again.

"I don't know how it couldn't be anymore obvious...but I've kinda been alive the whole time..." It revealed, "To put it simply: the first time you touched me, I suppose it activated something within me to wake up. Then I had to play the waiting game...make sure you're worth my time-"

"Worth your time...?" Kieran squinted, perplexed.

"You're so hopeless. Anywhoooo...." The creature tilted to the side.

"You said you wanted to get stronger, right? I kinda overheard when you rudely stuffed me into your little smoking-case there—"

"H-Hey, woah-!" Kieran put his hands in front of him "First off, this isn't a smoking-case, it's a pouch! Aren't those like really old, anyway?" He scratched his head "Also, I suppose yer not wrong. Sorry for doing that, by the way-" He looked down, blushing slightly from embarrassment. The creature looked down on him.

"Coulda swore that was something else. Anyway, to repeat what I said—"

"Yeah! I do wanna get stronger!" Kieran, impatient with excitement, grabbed his own knees in anticipation.

"...Okay, kid. Slow down."

"Sorry!"

"Oookay...anyway...I need your help. If you wanna get stronger, then I have two favors from you. I really think these things could help you get stronger..."

Kieran leaned forward, now in a semi-bowing-position.

"Please! I'll do anything!" He cried, his head bowing to the ground. The creature wanted to giggle at his patheticness to work for him.

"Wow...that didn't really take any convincing and I didn't even get to tell you the conditions yet. Consider this...a sub-challenge..." For a moment, it felt pity for the kid. How desperate would a kid his age have to be? It almost seemed unfair-

When was it ever fair, anyway?

Kieran sat up again, nodding. The peach began to float to-and-fro.

"Firstly: You really need to prove your strength by helping me re-unite my buddies and I together. What better way to prove your strength than through friendship?" It began to explain, nearly cringing at the last few bits. Before it could continue, Kieran piped up again.

"Who are your buddies?" He asked. It would only be natural for him to ask just so he knew what to do.

"Err...they are very...anonymous folk. They prefer to keep their identity hidden."

Before Kieran could say anything else, it continued,

"Secondly, I need a few, specific masks retrieved."

Kieran's eyes widened, and he piped up again once more.

"Like...like The Loyal Three's?"

The creature looked at him in surprise. The Loyal Three?! If it wasn't so upset at them for failing their job previously, it would have been pleased with the title.

"Look, save your questions for later. Once I see 'em, I'll let you know, okay? For now, I'm just trying to work this dea—trade—out with you."

His voice sounded stern for a moment. If things went his way successfully, he wouldn't have to explain his reasons. It's not like he was going to remember anyway-

Kieran looked embarrassed once again, nodding in understand.

"Okay-"

"Thank you." The creature sighed before floating up into his face.

"If you can do those two things for me, then I can grant you the power you seek. Do those conditions sound good to you?" It asked. Finally finished with it's propisition, it now waited desperately, looking into Kieran's cat-like eyes.

Kieran was quiet for a few moments, which was completely agonizing for this mystery pokémon. If it had hands, it would have its fingers tied behind its back.

'Just take the bait, kid. Come on!' It thought, tensing a little.

Kieran tapped his finger against his chin before he finally spoke.

"So, if I find your friends and retrieve these mystery masks, I can catch you and join my party?" He asked, genuinely curious.

"Indeed— Wait...catch me?"

"With a pokéball!" Kieran beamed, looking up at it with moon-round eyes. Never had the pokémon been so confused and offended before. What the hell was a pokéball?! It made a weird "peh" noise before shaking itself again.

"Y'know what? Yeah, we'll work that out when we get to it..." It grumbled. Might as well save itself another headache before it wastes the little energy it has...

Kieran had never been so overjoyed before. He was finally going to be able to achieve his dreams of becoming the strongest trainer in the world, and finally have an attempt at impressing Millie! His heart began to pound and, before he could stop himself, he blurted out the fastest "Yes" his body could conjure.

For a moment, the creature was too stunned to speak. This was easier than it thought it'd be. Was this kid really that gullible? Did he never get the lectures most kids got when he was younger? The creature blinked, before the answer finally hit it. It finally got what it wanted.

"Yes?" It asked "Are you absolutely sure?" It wanted to clarify that it had not heard things, making sure that Kieran could undoubtedpy be bound to it.

"Yes! If you can give me strength, then I will do these things for you! Kieran repeated, bowing again.

Wow. This kid WAS serious.

"Pehra, Pehra..." It made a noise akin to a pokémon, sighing. It was excited, but it also pitied the kid to a degree.

"Okay, kid! You got yourself a deal!" It cheered, it taking everything not to squirm too much so its shell didn't open up too much.

"Sit up and hold out your hand!"

At its command, Kieran sat up for a moment, confused. He just shrugged, thinking ut was just the simple gesture the mystery pokémon had picked up from others when it came to sealing deals.

"Okay!" And with that, he held his hand out, eyes closed in a smile.

The creature could hardly believe it; it was going to be able to take Kieran's vessel (and smoothly, at that)! It made a little chirp, the chirp becoming a few quiet giggles as Kieran felt something invisible wrap around his wrist.

The pokémon's eyes remained closed, the noise getting happier as the invisible force began to tighten agonizingly around Kieran's wrist.

"Ow ow, hey-" Kieran opened his eyes "I know you're excited, but—" Before he knew it, the pokémon began glowing a faint purple around itself, now looking back at him with dark intent.

"You really are so STUPID....!" It snarled. Kieran's eyes could do nothing but hopelessly watch as the invisible pressure he felt began to glow purple, materializing into a faint, circular object that seemed to stretch from the sides of the pokémon.

It was at this moment his heart dropped, the atmosphere around him turning into one of despair.

There was no doubt about it; he had been duped, used yet again by another creature that saw him as nothing but weak. He could feel his heart quicken in terror, his immediate instinct to pull away.

"S-Stop it!" He cried, trying to pry his arm away from the sinister creature that had a death-grip on it.

"Let go of meee...!" He grit his teeth, his arm screaming in pain as he pulled as hard as he could. The pokémon drew closer, laughing darkly at the kid.

"I feel bad, kid. I do," It faked the pity; in reality, it had played its cards right, and Kieran had fell for its plea

"But you did agree to this trade! Fair's fair!"

Kieran growled in panic, his eyes welling up with tears.

"I NEVER AGREED TO— MMMPHHH—" Before Kieran could scream at it, he the weird texture of the unidentifiable object the creature was using dart into his mouth, as if to stifle him.

"Whazzat?" It asked "Did a totodile bite your tongue?"

Kieran glared at the pokémon, the familiar ache in his chest swelling. He couldn't make any noise as the chain-like miasma pinched his tongue. He did squeal, his throat burning as the prongs pinched harder.

As Kieran began to struggle, the chain that was snaking up his arm suddenly lunged, now wrapping around his throat. He began to panic, realizing exactly what it was trying to do. His eyes welled up with tears as the creature floated behind him, chuckling.

"That's a good kiddo. If I didn't have my toxic chain in your mouth, I'd totally give you some mochi as a reward!" It chimed. Kieran growled, struggling some more. Not only was this pokémon actively going to kill him, but it was offering one of Kieran's least favorite foods.

The despair ate at Kieran. He had followed a disembodied forest out into Timeless Woods, accepting some sort of stupid offer. He was disappointed; it was as if life was just out for him.

'This is my fate..." Kieran thought, the chains getting tighter. He could feel his throat slowly close.

'Maybe this is what I deserve. Maybe sis was right about me being a stupid child that doesn't know any better...' As he began to pity himself, the chains fully closed around his neck, closing his windpipe. The tears slowly stopped, him unable to heave any air.

'I'm going to die. I'm going to die in the middle of the woods.' Kieran looked up at the sky, trying to gasp for air as the creature's other chain used it's prongs to stretch his mouth open.

'I'm going to die alone, and nobody will be here to save me.'

Suddenly, Kieran began to miss everything. His house, his school, his family, his friends....

...Even Millie. Why was it that, even at the face of death, she was the one that crossed his mind? The despair gnawed at him, and he was helplessly a victim to it.

He began to panic, clawing at the chains that held onto him, sucking the oxygen out of him. This only caused the creature to wiggle the chains, laughing.

'...I really need sis right now...' He finally felt a heavy weight upon him. It was as if Carmine was tucking him into bed, telling him things would get better.

"Looks like we've got a fighter! I hate to tell you this, but the more you struggle, the worse it'll get!"

It was taking excitement in Kieran's suffering. He could feel his vision tunneling, white, fuzzy spots dotting it. His struggling became less amd less, the movements becoming mere twitches.

'I feel so cold...' Kieran thought.

'If only sis were here...I need her...I need...sis...'

And that's when the weighted feeling took over, as if a blanket had fallen over him, one that Carmine was holding, telling him that things would get better and that tomorrow they would make things better.

Just like she used to. Right before he felt like he didn't need her love or comfort anymore.

Before he knew it, he had slipped into the comforting void of darkness.

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bones4thecats · 1 year ago

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2023 Thanksgiving Special; TWST

A/N: Hello readers! Just like with my 2023 Halloween Specials, I will be seperating these based on the different fandoms they are in. Later on today, I will be posting Thanksgiving Specials for; RoR/SnV, Horror (Creepypasta), and the Slashers. Thank you for reading this and have a happy Thanksgiving!

Spending Thanksgiving With Them

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・

♠️ This poor boy

♠️ His mother had forced him to invite you to their home in the Kingdom of Roses, as she knew how nervous her son could be

♠️ Deuce was flushed the entire ride to his house, knowing something was bound to happen that would embarrass him

♠️ When his mother hugged you and his grandmother welcomed you, he changed his whole mindset

♠️ The way you conversed with them so easily made him smile and chuckle

♠️ Maybe his mother was right, maybe you were the perfect one for him

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・

🦁 Leona did not want to go home for Thanksgiving, and that was final

🦁 He also didn’t want to bring you along, you had already met Cheka, and that was enough for now

🦁 It took a while, but after bribing him enough, he decided to take you home

🦁 This beastman watched as Cheka and you hugged, conversing on the traditions of Sunset Savanna

🦁 Leona chuckled and smirked watching you attempt dressing in his homeland’s traditional outfits

🦁 He sat down next to you and barely listened as Falena spoke to you, asking where you were from and such

🦁 It was quite funny watching him glare at his brother when he turned around, or asked you a question Leona knew you were sensitive with

🦁 He wouldn’t call it the best introduction to his family, but you’d call it good enough

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・

🦇 Your bat-boyfriend had you meet Silver and Malleus very early on in your relationship, he wanted to make sure they were comfortable around you

🦇 Thankfully, they were. And now you were heading with them to the Valley of Thorns to spend Thanksgiving with them!

🦇 You were quite nervous, after all, you weren’t sure how their surrounding fae would react to a human staying in the castle

🦇 Nonetheless one without any status

🦇 Lilia hugged you from the ceiling, watching as the cooks made the delicious supper

🦇 And you were holding him back from ruining it

🦇 He sat next to you and held your hand as Maleficia, Malleus’ grandmother, delivered the toast

🦇 He could care less if the people of the Valley hated you or not, for now, spending the holiday with you was all that was on his mind

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・

(This is Grim + My AU! Yuu)

😼 This damn cat

😼 He tried to make everything tuna-flavored

😼 Don’t ask me how, he just tried pouring a tuna-flavoring into it

😼 Grim definitely hugged you and Yuu from behind and begged for you guys to make him a tuna-flavored turkey

😼 You guys refused, but when you cut his portion, you laid a decent amount of tuna-flavoring on it

😼 Hey, it got him to shut up, and he slept like a baby that night!

❤️‍🩹 Yuu on the other hand

❤️‍🩹 You guys made the diner, and they was so close to socking the magical-cat to the curb with how insistent his begging was

❤️‍🩹 He had confiscated Grim’s tuna flavoring the previous holiday, Halloween, after he dumped it on all of the candy he had gotten

❤️‍🩹 It smelled like sweet and sugary tuna for nearly 4 weeks

❤️‍🩹 Yuu did eventually allow him to have some tuna flavoring, and when he saw how you held it above your head as Grim begged for more like a parent punishing their child, they laughed

❤️‍🩹 This may be another world, but with you guys, it was easier to adjust too

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randombtsprincessa · 5 years ago

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By the Book

Author: Randombtsprincessa

Characters: Venom! Kim Namjoon x Reader (2nd POV)

Words: 3.3k

Genre: Smut and maybe fluffy? Derivative Work for Shadows by @pasteljeon!

Summary: You may have grown as cold as your work environment. Wierdly enough, it takes an Alien Symbiote to thaw you out.

Warning: Venom AU!; Covert Government Labs, Alien Symbiosis, Arson, fire, smoke, alien heat cycles, not too explicit sexual content, basically sex with Venom! Namjoon.

A/N: This is a small birthday present for my beautiful Kura over at @pasteljeon. She’s amazing and she’s the creator of the Venom AU which is featured in the following work. I’m sorry this took so long love! I hope you like it! Love you!!

The walls were bright white, reflecting lights so harshly you had to squint. The tight lip of your skirt was uncomfortable around your knees and the heels dug into the back of your ankles but you kept on, pushing your body like you had been doing for so long.

The work you were a part of had no room for luxuries such as comfort and while you would sometimes dearly just like to sit, you learned early on that sitters were losers and the ones who were willing to keep walking or even running actually ran the operations.

Of course, nobody really told you that the sitters would be getting most of the credit.

You took a deep breath before you were pushing on the handle of the Experiment Containment chambers. Separated into seven glass enclosed rooms or chambers per se, you found the person you were looking for at the far back, near the youngest experiment.

You slowed, your eyes taking in the posture of your boss.

She was leaning completely over safety railing, something strictly prohibited – even if she was the lead scientist. Her forehead and palm was pressed to the fogged glass and on the other side, a black, glutinous mass attached to where her palm was splayed.

Jungkook…or better known as 19970901…

You knew you weren’t supposed to give the masses of black substance originated in outer space Human names but it seems your boss and the Head couldn’t help herself. She had given the seven surviving subjects humanity, training…names.

She was a mother to them, and to the youngest of the lot…it always seemed to you, she was much more.

You caught the quick jerk of the black substance, an acknowledgement to your presence just as you called for your Head’s attention.

“The next trial begins in ten minutes. Should I bring the volunteer in?” You asked politely.

She glanced back at the mass that had retreated to the far back of the room, motionless before nodding her head, leading you out.

You followed quietly, sounds of your steps already echoing in the room, attracting attention from the ones that were far less shy.

Symbiosis; a little hidden project funded by the government, returning from the outer space with symbiotes that had alien characteristics but would be able to merge with humans and live off them, enhance them.

The government wanted soldiers obviously but as you looked at the very front, trying hard not to feel emotional for the seven last remaining organisms that had survived the failures of establishing symbiosis with various contenders, you knew they were not meant for a life of war.

The mass at the very front, 19940912, sitting in a pool in front of Jane Eyre definitely wasn’t going to be of much help in a battle field.

You had worked in the Symbiosis laboratory for over three years now, your life as much secret to the outside world as the outside world was a secret to them. Which is why, you had made up your mind early on that feeling any form of emotion for the…alien components that resided in the lab would not only be detrimental…it would be disastrous.

Yet, you couldn’t help but follow along with your boss as she cooed and crooned…and you managed a wry smile at each glop of masses that preened to her praise.

You watched 19921204 cook up delicacies that he and your boss indulged in, 19930309 was given sound cancelling headphones that you handpicked because of his…its extra sensitivity. 19940218, 19951013 and 19951230 were the most humane, bouncing around like teenagers on a power boost.

Among them, 19970901 or as your Head liked to call him, Jungkook – was the closest to her…while 19940912 was the most intriguing.

You had brought more books for this one black mass than you had yourself read over your own life of study and research. Dictionaries, Encyclopedias, nonfiction, fiction, and poetry…Namjoon the Symbiote was probably better read than the most accomplished human scholar.

So when your Head called you in to discuss a very sensitive and urgent matter…you weren’t sure if you were more impressed or less surprised.

Your work as a scientists’ assistant had shown you a lot. You had seen men and women painfully contorting their bodies as black shadows wrapped around them before flickering and dying out within the lifeless eyes of the volunteers. You had personally switched on the incinerators in some of these cases but you had never seen human zeal to liberate alien substances.

“With all due respect, ma’am,” You said, “but you cannot be serious.”

Your boss had her hands deep into the pockets of her white coat.

“It’s a failing endeavor because the symbiotes have come to rely on us. We will have to protect them.”

“They are aliens for god’s sake, ma’am. We cannot just break them out just because we don’t approve what use they’re going to be serving.”

She turned at that. “So, you don’t approve as well.” She shot out immediately.

Your eyes widened as she took hurried steps towards you. “I want you to help me, Y/N. Help me break them out. After me, you are the most close to the symbiotes, even if you don’t want to show it. Help me find better substitutes, people who can hide with them, so no one will ever find them.”

Aside from taking them yourselves, you had no other ways to let them go. You said so.

There was a brief crestfallen look to her eyes before she nodded, dismissing you.

Seven years of hard work, labour, putting up with so much crap…all down the gutter. You watched your boss press the emergency button as the arson spread.

Contrary to what you had previously believed and shrieked about…the Head scientist wasn’t responsible for the fire breaking out. Government insurgencies were something you all had been trained for…but to see one in action.

It scared you to bits.

Your secret plan to smuggle the symbiotes out had somehow worked. You had started with Jin...bound to a woman, a chef teacher is a culinary academy. He had seemed happy enough, wrapping around her as you left the chambers to give them privacy.

Yoongi and Hoseok found homes in what they loved. Music and Dance, both of them attaching themselves to a duo who were hard pressed for money. With their talent, intermingling with theirs, you knew they’d make it big.

Jimin and Taehyung were more complicated. Try as you and your boss may, they flat refused to be seperated. You had no choice but to let them go together. It had taken weeks, nearly a month before a woman strong enough had managed to bond with the entwined set successfully. You had been on edge for all the prospects, withdrawing the half bonded twins from the half dead human before sending them to the infirmary to heal. As broody as they had been on the unsuccessful trials, they had been elated to finally find a perfect match.

That left the last two…still holed up in containment…nowhere to go.

You could feel the smoke puncture through your lungs as both you and your boss fumbled through the see through maze. Your hands seperated, your body too heavy to make through as she found what she was looking for…

Jungkook.

You smiled tearily, stumbling to the last cell left…and collapsing right in front of it.

Y/N

You shuddered, unable to lift your head through the fiery ash flying about.

Y/N…wake up

You managed to look at the glob at last, stretched thin, painted across the glass. It had no face, no aspects but the disembodied voice that floated down to you was concerned.

You’re dying.

“Yeah, no shit.” You coughed, managing to rise up to your hands and knees as the black mass pulsated and pricked, trying to get away from the fire. It made you blink.

For a heat sensitive organism, typical to be afraid of even a lick of fire, it had actually reached out towards you, making sure you were ok.

It was strangely touching.

“I’m rescuing you.” You got to your feet shakily. For something that had shown you enough sympathy to fight through what it was afraid of, you could forward the same courtesy.

Fire Y/N, bad for us.

“I won’t let it touch you.”

What about Jungkook?

You tried not to shiver at the way the name came so easily to it. “He’s safe with the boss. Come on!” You yelled finally but it only cowered away from the blistering haze you exposed it to.

I…can’t.

“Namjoon, please.” You whispered at last. The smoke was making it difficult to breathe. Very soon, you’d have no strength at all.

You’re dying. It said again.

You reached out for the mass again, trying to physically pry it off of the glass walls but you had no clue what gesture it would take it for.

19940912 shot towards you, sharp and fast as a cobra. A jagged edge of black gluton curled around your wrist, the outstretched limb running with black veins as it attempted to sink within you. A surprised groan fell from your lips, feeling the symbiote rush up your body, too fast, too sudden. The veins subsided, the tenril of black settling deep within you that thrummed with life, providing clarity.

“What did you do?” You queried, as with renewed vigor, the symbiote used your body to escape from the burning ruins.

We saved each other.

The plane carried you away, far from your life, far from your career. You symbiosis with 19940912, had been painless, but not without it’s complications.

As you lay on the cool grass, the strength of the alien party had withered, flickered and you wondered if the bond was unsuccessful, and if you two were going to die no matter what happened.

It was quick to put you at ease.

Bond seems strong enough. We will be fine once you expel the smoke from your body, it’s making me antsy.

You rolled over, taking in deeper gulps of the cold night air as you grasped what had happened.

You were now a host to an alien symbiote. You had something…living inside of you.

“Um, 1994 -,”

Namjoon

“What?”

Namjoon; that’s my name.

“Right…Namjoon, how do we go about this?”

What do you mean? We’re bonded now, Y/N. we’re one. You can do anything you want. Be anything you want. You’re free.

“What about you?”

We’re one. Where you go, I go. What you’ll be, I’ll be. I’m free too.

You had left it at that, quietly taking the escape route you had planned well ahead. A small trip to a far off place, somewhere rainy…and foggy. It made sense.

Namjoon…added a definite sense of mystery to your life now. You tried to avoid him and leave him to his business as best as you could but well…he’d been right. You were one.

You could feel him moving up organs inside you when you poured over registers as a librarian. He watched through your eyes as you worked as an assisstant to a Vet. He was insanely protective, bubbling up to the surface of your skin if anything irked him. It wasn’t uncommon for people to say something would glitter in your eyes, some sheen to your skin that was worrisome to you. people that Namjoon of course found, not wholesome to be around his host.

He kept you safe just as much as you provided shelter to him. He read through you, he explored through you.

He also explored you but that was a complete different ball game.

You had somehow forgotten about their heat cycles completely. You had woken to a feverish weight upon you, pressing you into the mattress of your bed. The first sudden scare had vanished completely when a groan, in an all too familiar voice echoed through the room.

“1994?”

“Fuck baby, it’s Namjoon,” He whined, his mouth hot against your ear. He had materialized somehow and while black tendrils over lapped his humanoid form, you could still feel him grinding something against your pelvis that was hilariously human.

“Namjoon…what are you doing?” You were alarmed, least of all, finding it curious that he could just hold form outside of your body and then amused when he dug into your pajamas, finding your heat with first his fingers and then those long vines of shadows attached to him.

It was too dark to make him out but you could tell every human feature. Lips, peppering adoration to your exposed skin as he sunk, in more way that one, into you, his new formed hips bucking without any further ado.

Your alien had put you through two orgasms before reaching his own and dissipated, silence falling over the two of you as you panted loudly.

“Heat…damn, I forgot.”

All you got back was a lazy ghostly chuckle from the being which had dissolved into you again, a simple entwining of black around your fingers his only evidence.

Well, that and the thick mass of his pleasure on your skin.

You didn’t know what had persuaded Namjoon to go looking for his own self. He had become your home more than you were – literally – his. Maybe your boss had been right, wherever she and Jungkook were.

It was easy to fall in love with them. It had been slow for you, too taken with your previous aversion to feeling for them but Namjoon had overcome that. He shared his experiences, well, his version of your experiences and most of your pillow talks were about how you could be better in your works, meeting new people…his old friends.

So when he was suddenly not there when you woke up, you nearly shrieked.

Namjoon had felt your discomfort from the next room. A black mass crawled into the room before his voice echoed back, calming you down.

I’m right here. it’s all good. I was just trying new things.

You had been so relieved you didn’t address that he had been in another room – away from you.

“How did you even do that?”

I was reading and I think…with enough nourishment…and of course close proximity to my Host…I could materialize. You know, outside of my heat.

It had been tricky but you and he were both patient. It started with Namjoon knitting strands of his being together as he would during his heat cycles. A tendril always remained at your wrist, holding onto you as he gained form by himself.

It was hard work but it paid off.

2 YEARS LATER

You kept a steady look down at your wrist, watching the second hand tick down to a minute before standing; eyes fixed across the small bedroom to the bathroom, hearing the lock give way.

A man stepped out, tall, broad, with thick limbs and light gold hair that fell right down to his nose. The simple black tee and sweatpants looked big on him somehow as if he wasn’t used to filling them and life yours had been, his eyes were on his feet and hands as well.

You took a careful step forward.

“1994…I mean, Namjoon?” you chanced, your long habit of referring to them by their codenames having faded into the long time you’d been away from your workplace.

The man looked up, blinking and whipping hair out of his face. His head moved too fast, bouncing off of the doorway painfully that cause the man’s form to haze out, come away black for more than a few seconds before freezing and slowly dissolving back into human.

You blew out a huff, taking another step.

“Y/N,” he grated out, voice whispery and hoarse.

“Yes,” You took another step, hand outreached and his fingers moved, clasping around your pulse, physical contact established after ages of experimentation, research and explorations.

Dimples appeared in tanned cheeks as Namjoon gave you a small smile. “I can do it. I can actually hold form outside of my heat.” He whispered.

“That’s great,” you whispered back, looking up at him, not used to actually talking to him while looking at another body.

He let go of your hand, moving further into the room, arms outstretched to catch him if he fell. You followed closely behind.

“I…I’m big, aren’t I?”

Instead of out loud, you heard him inside your head.

“Yes, Namjoon, you’re big. You’re a person now.” You said.

He turned, still slow before impishly moving in to wrap his arms – carefully – around you. “Sex is going to be easier and more fun now.”

This time, he spoke out loud, his voice still scratchy but adorably shy as he leaned in to press small hesitant kisses down your neck. Of course, this time it being the first time he was in a human body of his very own, he had to bend over quite a bit.

You tried not to roll your eyes, barely masking a moan when Namjoon’s tongue lapped across your collarbone.

“Are you sure, you can…?” You lead him to the bed, just in case he fell over in his excitement and took you down with him.

His eyes glazed, he sat down from your touch, looking up at you in confusion before following your gaze to where his legs were gone, replaced with black huge stumps, clawed toes visible. He closed his eyes, the stump reducing back to human nails, wiggling them at you.

I might explode a few times but that just means I’m enjoying it. He leaned in to give you a hearty kiss.

His hands explored, gripping at your breast through the shirt, his fingers reflexively clenching the fabric before going under the skirt, finding the crotch of your panties.

Without his heat, Namjoon was much more controlled and you waiting patiently as he explored you with his own body, letting him familiarize himself with touch and sensation.

Maybe you were selfish, maybe you wanted him to get used to control so he could hold himself in his newly gained human form long enough to blow your mind, but hey, you had seen firsthand what the man who’d attached himself to you could do and you were hopeful.

So you lay back, enjoying Namjoon’s hands, and then his mouth on your skin.

Once attached to you, he didn’t seem to want to let go as he kept kneading at your flesh with his large palms. He found your breasts, freeing them from your shirt and letting his fingers pull at your nipples, all with an expression of curiosity on his face.

All he wanted to see was how far he could push it before he wavered, he told you, and shedding more of his own clothes then yours, staring at your naked, spread form in front of him.

Not akin to his heats, when he pounced ravenously on you, he was slower, gentler. Every stroke of his fingertips was calculated.

It was at the juncture of your thighs, his fingers dipping to find arousal seeping from you when he first moaned…and simultaneously dissolved into a puddle of black.

“Joon,” You called apprehensively before the strands of black were knitting together again, gaining skin, or whatever comprised of their skin before giving you another impish grin.

“Sorry, I can’t help myself anymore.” He revealed, lowering himself, almost reverently into you.

You let him.

Namjoon bucked, huffed; thrust himself into you with iron hold, precise in his movements, losing form only twice, once when he entered you and then when he was close.

Finally when he exploded, there was nothing over you, even as you felt his climax splash across you.

By the time he collected himself again, ready for cuddles, you’d cleaned up and changed the sheets, snuggling closer to him.

“I’ll practice, I promise.” He whispered.

“I believe in you.” You whispered back.

You did, seeing what you’d seen with Namjoon over the years, you knew that going rogue had been the best decision of your life. Maybe you were never meant for something ordinary.

#namjoon smut #bts smut #smutcentralnet #btsbookclub #bts fanfic #namjoon fanfic #namjoon x reader #rm smut #rm fanfic

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courtneystapleton · 5 years ago

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part one of my seymour analysis: Ex-Wives

posting as a seperate part because I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to finish, I’m currently working on her pre-hos speech. Keep in mind, this isn’t the longest, or best written, but I just wanted to share it.

In the song Ex-Wives, we are introduced to the six queens; our titular characters, and they are each given their moments to shine. Certain lines stand out. Each queen gets at least two phrases, as well as their introductory verse. This is where we are told it is their story being told.

We know you know our names and our fame and our faces.

This is her first line in the show (besides Died). Giving Jane this line tells a lot- nearly all the average person knows about Jane Seymour is her name, her “fame” (being the only wife to have a son, and then dying), and they may have seen her portrait in a school book. Jane is almost the invisible wife- she’s painted as meek and subservient, eclipsed by Henry’s need and fulfillment of an heir. The average audience member knows little of her personality, or how she had run her household. A lot of Tudor based media skims over her- look at Showtime’s The Tudors- COA and Anne Boleyn had their own seasons as queen, the others all had a measly half season, two queens per season, no where near the amount of depth. Jane is treated as the meek, timid mother. We’re expected to perhaps know her name, but at most we just know that she died.

But a pair doesn’t beat a royal flush

This line almost foreshadows her closing verse in Six to me, which I will discuss further at a later time. It’s the first time she puts herself and the other five on the same level almost. They’re a group. They’re a family to each other, and respect each other, which the audience doesn’t find out until the end. I don’t have much to say on this short snipet of a line, but it does give me the same vibes as her verse in Six.

Jane Seymour, the only one he truly loved (rude)/When my son was newly born I died/ But I’m not what I seem, or am I?/ Stick around and you may suddenly see more

Okay looking at the first line it can be interpreted in so many ways, but looking at it with the whole verse is how I would rather. She’s aware that people think she’s the love of Henry’s life, he was buried next to her, and was the only one of his wives to receive a queen’s funeral. But she was more than that, there was more to her personality than being Henry’s wife and a baby machine. She was dedicated to her faith, she was a supporter of Mary- Henry’s daughter by Catherine of Aragon, and advocated for Mary to be returned to the line of succession- she was behind Mary and Henry’s reconciliation, and Mary was fond of her to the point where she acted as chief mourner during the funeral procession for Jane.

Jane ran a strict court- she didn’t muddle in the king’s affairs. She had seen how he had treated two wives. Her motto was bound to obey and serve, and it appears that she did all she could to fulfill it. Her one time where she attempted to muddle in the king’s affairs was when she asked him to restore the monasteries and pardon the offenders of The Pilgrimage of Grace, which he refused. Jane was a devout Christian, and conservative in her faith.

She was so much more than the dead wife. She was so much more than a walking uterus.

Her epitaph reads

Here lies Jane, a phoenix Who died in giving another phoenix birth. Let her be mourned, for birds like these Are rare indeed.

#six the musical #jane seymour #idk what this is

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disobligingly · 5 years ago

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Anonymous said: Drabble for star- recovery

Send me something to drabble about. - accepting

It's only after everything is said and done, after everyone in their group of companions have been either healed or mourned, that both spirit and host have allowed themselves to rest. (And when that day finally comes, many days--perhaps even weeks--later, it hits them both hard.)

Jotaro, still so young and yet having seen and suffered through so much, physical and mental and everything in-between, sleeps. He sleeps for nearly a full day, then about half of the next, more and more time being spent in bed and staring at the wall, sometimes smoking all the while and allowing the acrid smoke itself to rise to the ceiling and be scattered by the fan still whirling despite everything.

He also doesn't speak much, even compared to the only-occasional murmurings before their journey, and when miss Holly approaches one evening to tell her son that dinner is ready, and she receives no response other than a dull, blank stare and one of his hands clutching tightly at his pillow at just the sound of her approach, she cries. (Jotaro hasn't eaten in days, and for the sake of making sure his User doesn't starve himself to death (intentionally or not) in his shock and grief, Star follows Holly and writes out that he'll eat something in the other's place. Holly cries again, but this time, it's as she embraces the spectre, and he gazes down at her curiously as she sobs, the weeping providing only the slightest sliver of relief -- but it is better than nothing.)

Though not possessing of a physical form in the same sense as his User, Star Platinum also suffers, just barely introduced to existance itself and then immediately thrown into hell, a multi-part journey across what felt like Hell itself resulting in death, death, death-- (He remembers, with a definite chill running through his frame, having to reach within Jotaro's chest, hands that've brought about fury and agony like hellfire onto those that would do them all wrong now working to manually pump the young man's heart, keeping him alive.)

For several weeks, he insists on manifesting in the physical realm and keeping watch at his User's bedside as he--the human--sleeps, and he finds himself focusing more than once on the rise and fall of the other's chest, able to hear the continuous heartbeat and yet remaining absolutely still until Jotaro awakens and rises--eventually, that is--for the day.

The spirit isn't certain how to put it into words, but he lives in the sort of terror he had only experienced in short bursts prior, and he absolutely hates it.

He doesn't think he has a heart, but there's a sensation in his chest all the same, aching as sorrow reverberates throughout his towering frame, and he finally begins to work on the processing of his own grief.

To seperate his own feelings from that of his User is a task far more daunting than most would assume, for though he has his own thoughts and the like, Jotaro is where he originated, Jotaro is who he must thank for his existance and the opportunity to learn as much as he has, Jotaro is who he has grown fairly fond of and for whom he would put his very existance on the line to protect, even if they were not bound together as they are.

One evening, he hesitates but ultimately phases through one of the walls of his User's bedroom, feeling oddly at-ease with doing so once the unconcious weeping had stopped and breathing had become even once more.

Safe. Safe. Safe.

Star repeats the word to himself over and over, images slowly going through his mind, memories of death and gore, of misery, of their ultimate triumph and that at least some of their group came back alive.

He almost walks right through the old man (who, understandibly, jumps a bit as a matter that is physical and yet not almost moves right through his body without a care), stops when he hears a yelp of surprise, retrieving his hand from where it had settled atop (and then through) one of Joseph's own.

There's laughter from the old man (Jiji, Star remembers his User addressing this one as), both nervous and genuine, only trailing off when the spectre's stare -- unblinking and unending, almost completely motionless -- fixes on him.

Star isn't sure what to do, how to react... and yet, he doesn't find himself inclined to object when his hand is reached for and taken (once he allows it to become 'real' enough for that to be physically possible), then given a slight squeeze.

This gesture leaves him perplexed, and his head cants to one side when the hand of his being held is touched, followed by a quiet utterance from Joseph, the contrast of such a loud and bombastic man behaving in such a way rather startling.

"I know." Joseph murmurs quiet, glancing in the direction of his grandson's bedroom before turning back to the presence that slaughtered a horrific, evil force that had plagued the family line for many years now. "Believe me, I know."

In response, Star waits another moment or two more before pulling his hand back to his side (carefully, of course; the last thing he wants right then is to cause someone harm if they don't deserve it, nor does he want the other to feel as if the gesture has been rejected), straightening his posture -- then placing one hand on Joseph's shoulder. (Star hopes, sincerely and truly, that his gratitude for.. everything, really, is felt.)

His attention is immediately drawn away by a noise from the back of the house, familiar footsteps heard in the otherwise-silent surroundings as Jotaro emerges.

He only offers the two already present a simple greeting, a nod of the head with 'Jiji.' and 'Star.' following, but Star Platinum is aware of a sensation like a massive weight off of his shoulders as he continues to silently observe.

It's not much, but it's a start, and he allows himself to sport the slightest of smiles -- the first one in a very long time.

#drabble.

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heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet · 4 years ago

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When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th

Mood/anxiety = numb.

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick.

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO.

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done.

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep.

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator.

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship.

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same.

---Emotionally it hurts the same.

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way.

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am.

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation.

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate.

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally.

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety - still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested.

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way.

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean.

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board.

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum.

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far.

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine.

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict.

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed.

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings.

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days.

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely.

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness".

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room.

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod.

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am.

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes.

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok.

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house.

We are having a picnic social distancing style.

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around. But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction)

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives.

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant.

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past.

#mental health #lost #hurting #help #self reflection #finelinebetweenloveandhate #still breathing #GAD #recovery #survivor

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thebloodychampion · 5 years ago

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Sad/Non-Standard/Dark Things

About the Dragon Age Muses first

Archer Hawke: PTSD due to an accident when he was 18, that caused him to have 3rd degree burns on his body and nearly losing his eye sight • Arsonphobia (fear of fire) • blindness later in life due to stress • weird pain tolerance due to his Beserker abilities

Cyrion Hawke: unable to read and write in a normal way, but he can read and write • not good with social cues sometimes • multiple scars from templars

Dreag Hawke: not social at all • too much raw magical power inside of him • possible possession of an Evanuris causing him to have no control sometimes • lost the love of his life at a young age • was in prison after witnessing the death of the men he loves and killing the assassins afterwards

Lia Tabris: kidnapped on her wedding which caused her to distrust humans even more besides the fact that one of them killed her mother • betrayed a friend so she could end the damn civil war and defeat the Archdemon while sitting said friend on the throne to marry someone else

Than Mahariel: saw his best friend get taken away • killed his best friend after he turned into a ghoul due to the blight

Sethius Amladaris: has endured pain so many times, that he doesn’t know what pain is anymore • was killed too many times • immortal in anysense • bodyhorror as a darkspawn with pieces of the blackcity stuck in his body and red lyrium • gets angry quiet easily and can produce storms when he gets droven into a corner as a human • no real sense of social cues

Hjarrandr O Bearhold: fought for the Jaws of Hakkon before the Inquisitor destroyed them • lost his wife and children in an attack and became an augur because of that • was rather wild before that and didn’t care a lot of people in his clan

Lucius Veridio: is the son of a normal commoner and an elven servant • was raised not knowing any of this and has magical talent due to his elven mother • fought in Seheron when he was 17 years old • is not very nice to elves and brings escaped elves back to Tevinter • is a magister in the magisterium

Etienne DeLechanger/Petyr Gallus: was the former high priest of Razikale • lost most of his memories when he was transported into the future • cannot age in anyway and has to move town very often • is actually very scarred and old but keeps an illusion up to fool people

Nicolas Belmond: former antivan crow and has killed many people in his lifetime • has literally no remorse over who he killed and why • broke free of the crows just to get into an even deeper plot in antiva as a merchant prince • probably killed his father to get the title of merchant prince

Malcom Hawke: unknown past • never talks about it to anyone • left his family due to the stigma of being an apostate leaving them alone (canon divergent) • died from a disease and possible a form of the blight (canon) • sacrificed his freedome to give his own family something

Tomey Surana: born in the circle • never saw the outside world until she became a warden • feels kind of lonely all the time • tainted and will die young

Lyon Amell: almost drowned and is extremely scared of deep water • has a deep bond with his twin sister and is almost not able to function without knowing she is safe • can get reckless when it comes to relationships and certain adventures

Solona Amell: was taken to the circle at a young age • seperated from her twin brother and not being able to see him for more than a decade • tainted due to being a Grey Warden • will likely die very young.

Talar Adaar: would have been bound and silenced if under the Qun • raised in a different enviroment with almost nobody like him • distrusts his own magical talent and is scared to hurt people with it

Herah Adaar: None yet since I haven’t played her so much yet. Probably almost the same as Talar but without the magic stuff.

Jerker: Nightmare Demon • trapped in the fate for too many years to count • cannot hold a body for long without zapping out the life force and energy • relies on negative emotions and specifically war • will never be a full mortal ever again or anyway resemble what he once was.

#muse things

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alj4890 · 6 years ago

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And Then I Met You

Part 5

What happens when the one you thought you were meant for turns out to be meant for someone else?

@walkerinfolkvangr @alleksa16 @penguininapinktuxedo @blackcoffee85 @stopforamoment @fullbeaumonty @cocomaxley @darley1101 @hopefulmoonobject @krsnlove @littleblossom357 @annekebbphotography @gibbles82 @bella-ca

Masterlist

Part 5

A little over 6 weeks after arriving in Hollywood

"This scene!" Amanda folded her arms and laid her head on them, glaring at her laptop.

Holly walked over and read over her shoulder. "Still giving you trouble?"

"It's impossible! How I was able to convey it in the novel, I will never know." She buried her face in her arms and let out a frustrated sound. "Thomas is going to have to do without it."

"You live with the man and clearly don't know him. If he asked you to do this scene, then it must be a pretty big deal." Holly patted her on the back. "How about you take a break?"

"I can't. Thomas went to meet with Ryan to try and persuade him to play Arthur. I promised I would have this done by the time he returned."

"Do you honestly think you can write it out in your current frame of mind?"

Amanda pushed away from the table. "No. In my current state, I'll be tempted to kill Elizabeth so that I don't have to write this romantic tension developing between her and Reginald."

"Excellent! Addison! We're taking five!" Holly yelled out.

"Oh thank God." Addison came running around the corner. "If I look at one more swatch of cloth, I will end up trying to persuade Thomas that everyone should be naked in the movie."

"Where are we taking our break? And can there be tacos involved?"

"Wait! We're going out? I thought we would just relax on the couch or something." Amanda looked between the two, worried about being unable to finish the scene.

"Uh oh. She's turning into a hermit. Hunt's influence knows no bounds." Holly teased.

Addison giggled and opened up a drawer in a side table. "I'll call in the order while you force her to relax." She looked up at Amanda, grinning. "We will take you out one night and show you the fun side of living here."

"I've had fun! I did go out the other night to your party. And let's not forget the awards ceremony." Amanda protested.

"Yes you did and you forgot to tell us all about it." Holly took her arm and pulled her out to the backyard. "We need to know everything."

"DON'T SAY ANYTHING WITHOUT ME!" Addison lowered her voice and apologized to the person on the phone. "Sorry! We need a number 16, 8 and two number 3s."

Holly stretched out in one of the lounge chairs by the pool. "So how did it go--"

"I know you were NOT starting without me." Addison plopped down across from Holly and focused on Amanda. "Okay. I'm ready. Tell us everything!"

"You know what happened at the birthday party and the awards show. We went to the ceremony and then the after party." Amanda looked out over the pool, thinking how much fun she had with him on both of those nights.

"Yes, we know all that. Did anything else happen?" Holly persisted,

"Tell us more about the after party. Matt told me that you were drawing quite a bit of attention. You were a knockout in that red dress." Addison leaned forward when she noticed a blush appear. "Did you and Thomas dance?"

She shook her head. "No. We got seperated for a while at the party. Matt danced with me though, which was fun." She pulled her knees up and rested her chin on them. Amanda thought of the model that was flirting with Thomas that night. She also remembered seeing that same woman at the surprise party. "Thomas seemed busy with some model."

Addison spit out her drink. She coughed while Holly hit her on the back. "Model?! Thomas? Did she have black hair? Beady eyes? Too tall and long legged for any normal mortal?"

Amanda laughed at the description and nodded. Holly scrunched her face in disgust. "Monica."

"Who's Monica?"

"Someone who only gets by on her looks. She wants to break into film, but she has a personality like a wet paper bag." Holly explained.

"Holly! That's horrible! Why are you so cruel to those poor paper bags that are damp." Addison's teasing grin faded. "Monica tries to latch on to directors when she sees them. Thomas is the one she wants most since his films hold the most prestige."

"I see." Amanda mumbled. Thoughts of Thomas being captured by the ridiculously beautiful model made her feel...what did she feel? Sadness? A bit of wistfulness perhaps. He certainly didn’t seem bothered by her chasing him. Could he really fall for someone like that? It’s a shame I will never be that beautiful, she thought. Perhaps Thomas might see me differently if... she mentally shook her head. She did not need to start thinking like that.

Addison nudged Holly. They saw the flicker of emotions on Amanda's face. Their hope to see her fall for Thomas grew as her expression became more concerned.

"Did he remain with Monica?" Holly asked

"Hmm? Oh. No he found me and we went home together." Amanda’s slight frown remained as she realized he did the same at the surprise party. Maybe he didn’t feel anything for the model.

"Thomas is too intelligent to succumb to that creature's attempts to seduce her way to fame." Holly stated with firm resolve.

Addison nodded. "That is one of the great things about him. Thomas never goes for pretty faces with little more than false sincerity behind them. It's amazing how many beautiful actresses he has worked with and never tried anything. I think he is waiting on someone special." She began to emphasize her words. "Someone who can make him smile. Someone he loves to talk to. Be around. Someone he can work with. Maybe share his passion of films."

The gate buzzer interrupted her description. Amanda stood up and went to answer it. Once she was out of sight, Holly turned to Addison. “I think she likes him. Now the question is how do we get them to admit to their mutual attraction.”

Addison shrugged. “I think I might have laid it on pretty thick what Thomas would like in a significant other. We have to think of something fast. If we aren’t careful, they will finish the screenplay and she will return to Cordonia.” Her brow wrinkled as she imagined the future. “He will end up with someone we don’t get along with and she will probably be wasted on some pompous lord or something.”

Amanda returned with the food and decided to change the subject. She did not want to keep talking about the type of person Thomas would end up with. The last thing she wanted was to be reminded that she was once again not the one for someone she cared about. She paused in unwrapping the food. Why would that thought pop up? She didn’t feel that way, did she? No. She simply did not want to see a friend with a jerk. That’s all that it was and all it could ever be. The rest of the afternoon was spent with the three of them laughing and talking about some of the people Amanda had met at the surprise party. When Holly and Addison left for the evening, she returned to work on the dreaded scenes.

Thomas returned much later than he had planned. He could not wait to share the news that Ryan had not only accepted the part, he was also excited and ready to start reading through the script. When he opened the door he smelled cookies baking. He recalled that cookies were the one thing she had laughingly told him that they were her go to for when she was stressed. Thomas warily entered the house. He walked into the kitchen and saw her sitting at the table. His greeting and smile disappeared as soon as he saw her red eyes. “What is it? What happened?”

She motioned to her laptop. “THAT! I can’t get it right.” She wiped angrily at the tears that spilled out. “I have been working on the two same scenes all day! I can’t write it. You need to do them or cut them...or find a new screenwriter.” She got up and checked on the cookies in the oven. He stood there watching her in shock. He had never seen her so frustrated. He went over to her laptop and read what she had so far.

“Hmm.” He nearly flinched from the glare she shot at him. “You are on the right track.” She scoffed at his attempt to encourage her. “Perhaps we should try and get your inspiration going again.”

“And how do we do that? Please don't say more writing.”

“Let’s act out the scene. Then you will know how you want the characters to respond. When you go back to writing it out, you will have a clear image in your mind. I think you have been thinking of the story as a whole instead of this scene being on its own.” Thomas took the cookies out of the oven when it buzzed and grabbed her hand. He pulled her into the living room and sat her on the sofa.

“You are Elizabeth and are about to meet the man who the Queen has arranged for you to marry. Arthur has been told there is no hope for his suit and has left the country. How do you sit? What are you feeling”

Amanda’s brow furrowed. “I am anxious and heartbroken. I have no idea what my future will look like now that the man I thought I was meant to be with is no longer the one for me. I am also highly curious to meet my intended that I have only heard rumors about.”

“Good. Now keep that in mind as I walk in. Reginald would be confident yet deep down he is just as nervous to meet the one he is commanded to marry.”

Thomas left and entered again. He paused when he saw her sitting. With hands barely trembling, she rose and curtsied to him. “My lord, I bid you welcome to my home.”

He moved closer to her and took her hand, a sense of wonder on his face as he gazed down at her. “Lady Elizabeth.” He bowed and kissed her hand. “I thank you for your invitation. I have been hoping for such a chance to meet you.”

“Please sit.” Amanda pretended to ring for tea. She turned back to him with a tremulous smile. “Am I?” She broke off and looked away with embarrassment.

“Are you what?” He asked.

She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. “Am I what you expected?”

His lips lifted into a soft smile. His voice deepened as his eyes wandered over her. “I’m afraid not.”

“Oh.” Her lashes fell to hide the hurt in her eyes. She jumped in surprise when he took her hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist.

“You are far lovelier than I expected.” His thumb lightly caressed her knuckles. His eyes lowered to their clasped hands. “Am I what you expected?”

She shook her head slowly. “No. You are not at all what I expected.”

He lifted his eyes to hers, searching for some sign of her true feelings. A small smile appeared on her face. “I am pleasantly surprised with you, sir.” They continued to go through the lines until they reached the end of the scene.

Thomas nodded and broke character. “Now do you know how you wish to write it?” Amanda nodded and quickly typed it up. She then grimaced at the next one that had given her problems. He read over the scene and made her stand up again. “Let’s try this one out.”

He stood directly in front of her. “I am Reginald. I am about to kiss the woman that I am not only engaged to but have fallen in love with. I have discovered that she had given her heart to Arthur beforehand, but due to his displeasing the Queen, he was denied her hand in marriage. What do you think Reginald is feeling?”

“Grateful and guilty for being given a chance with Elizabeth. Heartbroken at knowing that at one time she was in love with another. Hopeful that he can win her heart for himself.” She replied.

“That is my take also. Now I believe Elizabeth is confused, right? She has begun to have feelings for Reginald but with Arthur returning to Cordonia, she is unsure who holds her heart.” Thomas listened as Amanda continued the description of Elizabeth’s emotional turmoil at this point.

“Now I am trying to show the woman I love how much I do without being able to fully give in to any actions.” Thomas took a step closer to Amanda and began the scene.

“My Elizabeth, I have missed you.” He raised his hand and gently caressed her cheek. “Not seeing you these past few weeks...it has been torture.” He swallowed uneasily as he lowered his eyes to her lips.

“Reginald. I,” Amanda looked away as if in pain. “I missed you also.” She looked back up at him and slowly placed her hand over his that was against her cheek.

“My love,” Thomas whispered as he slipped his free arm around her waist. He lowered his head, his lips nearly brushing hers, when her phone rang. They jumped apart and stared at each other in surprise. She hesitated and turned away from him to find her phone.

“Hey Maxwell. No, that’s okay. Thomas and I were working on a scene. Yes, I will call later. Yes, I promise. Give my love to everyone. Bye.” She lowered her phone and chewed nervously on her bottom lip. Had he been acting or was there something else there? She looked over her shoulder and saw him walk into the kitchen. He returned with a plate of cookies and two glasses of milk on a tray.

“Come on. You can finish typing up that part and then call it a night. I believe we need a little film noir to end the evening on. What would you say to watching Murder, My Sweet?”

She smiled at the offering to ignore what had almost happened. It must have been my imagination, she thought. “That's one of my favorites. Let me get my notes and I will meet you in there.”

He breathed a little easier when she walked out of the room. He sat down and wondered what had come over him. He nearly took advantage of the script to kiss her. Thomas ran a hand over his face. He would need to be more careful around her. He couldn’t ruin this.

She came back with her laptop and quickly typed out the scene as they had acted it out. She paused and glanced at him. "Thomas?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think Reginald would feel during the kiss?" She asked as she turned and propped her arm on the back of the sofa.

Thomas swallowed the bite of cookie he had in his mouth and coughed. "He would feel," He moved to look into her eyes and started again. "He would feel that his very existence was meant for that one moment. To hold her in his arms, kiss her." His eyes moved down to her lips. "Knowing she was meant for him would be flooding his mind once he could form a thought. His love for her would be permanently etched upon his heart. No other could ever hope to take her place. He would be willing to fight every step of the way to be the only one who holds her heart."

Amanda's lips parted in surprise. Before she could stop and think about the question, it popped out. "Have you ever felt that kind of love in your past?"

Thomas lifted his eyes to hers. "In the past? No. I have not."

They stared at one another for a few charged seconds before the RKO logo and beeps broke through the stillness. As if on silent agreement, they turned back to watch Dick Powell's portrayal of Phillip Marlowe solve a murder.

#choices #choices rcd #thomas hunt

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years ago

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👑🏰⚔️🐲 DMODT I was on a roll, then I fell into video games... smol update

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floralseokjin · 6 years ago

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CONGRATULATION FOR THE MILESTONE !! Muse ask?! It's my first time yay! Can I ask more than one? Santa Namjoon (first fic i've read from you btw), apart from that roleplay, is there anything else crazy that you guys did? pbn Namjoon, do you ever see the couple again? pbn Yoongi and OC, do you guys want kids? I'll stop now hahaha Jordan I loveee you and congratulations again!! 🚐anon

thank u!!! of course you can ask more than one!! i’ll seperate them ✨

santa namjoon: welllll, there was a fancy dress incident the other month........ we were invited to a party and i wanted to keep my outfit a secret until it arrived, oc’s face was a picture when she came into our bedroom to see me in it..... i was the new and approved .... space joon

santa oc: oh god (covers her face with her hands)

santa namjoon: babe i don’t know why ur embarrassed now, as i recall you loved it

santa oc: well it was hilarious, i couldn’t stop laughing

santa namjoon: and the rest..... let’s just say the fabric of the jacket wasn’t very good for vigorous excerise... i was sweating buckets by the end, had to unzip the helmet hood

santa oc, whining: namjooooon stop with the tmi, they don’t want to hear it!!

pbn namjoon: i haven’t actually seen them since the night of hoseok and bella’s housewarming party! i text them both seperately and they replied politely but idk, i think i’m fine with that level of contact. we don’t know what the future holds but of course we share a lot of the same friends so we’re bound to see one another again and i’m fine with that 🙂 i think they are too! i wish them the best, i truly do!

pbn oc: actually yoongi spat out the water he was drinking the other day when i told him i wanted 4 children

pbn yoongi: more like you blurted it out—randomly! the water went down the wrong hole, nearly died

pbn oc: dramatic. it was only a passing comment..... our babies would be so cute tho. like little kittens

pbn yoongi, judgingly: ur weird

#muse asks #fic:please santa #fic:pbn #message #🚌 anon

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littlemessyjessi · 7 years ago

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Bobcat and Raven: My Beginnings With the Craft : A Personal Experience #MagicalMonday

Hello, smoochies!

Welcome to my witchy weirdness!

Now, disclaimer here: I do not claim to know everything or anything. I don't claim that my way is the right way or the wrong. This is just my way that works for me and I thought I'd share it with you. Feel free to tweak it to your own needs but lord, here we go.

If you'd like to read more of the Witchy Weirdness series, you can find the masterlist HERE :)

I know it's been a hot second since the last installment but I'm trying to make a nice little schedule and get things out to you when I can.

Today's post will be a taaaaaad bit different.

So a few of you have asked me if I'd talk about my own personal experience with the craft.

For a while, I didn't see the point because we're all different and unique but then I realized....there's a lot of people out there that feel like they're alone and they're scared.

And that's ok, honeybuns...but you're not alone.

We're here with you.

Brothers, sisters, it's ok loves.

Be afraid if you'd like and you claim your fear because that's yours.

And I guess...that's where my journey started.

I was maybe six or so at the time when I first started my path.

My great granny, bless her soul, kept me a lot back then and I was one hell of a little demon.

Her and Pap were getting much too old to deal with the likes of me but they did it anyway because my mom wasn't the best of caregivers and just basically abandoned me and when she did have me....well it just wasn't a pleasant experience let's put it like that.

So, anyway, Granny took care of me a lot.

She taught me how to cook and how to garden.

How to grow my own food and what to do with it.

Natural remedies and to thank whoever for whatever the earth gave you.

I think in a lot of ways she was my first experience with the craft even if she didn't call it that.

She...she just taught me a lot.

Ya'll forgive me if I ramble.

This is very personal and I'm bound to get emotional.

And while I've been criticized for the way I write...I just type what goes through my mind's eyes...so it's rather raw and unfiltered most of the time.

I'm sorry, lol.

Anyway, she taught me a lot and she died the year I turned thirteen.

How cliche huh? But that's how it happened.

She died in church that Sunday and I remember very distinctly that I was upset because I hadn't been with her in her last moments.

I'd been away on a trip at the time- gone off with some friend to the mountains for some reason or another.

We were outside playing in the woods (Like we shoudn't have been without supervision) and somehow I'd gotten seperated from Sarah Beth.

I remember laughing and giggling because we'd been playing and then realizing how alone I was.

And that's when I heard it.

A little whine of sorts, this awful little sound.

I remember stomping through the mud, making my little New Balance tennis shoes completely caked in it...something I was sure to recieve a whooping for whenever I got home.

And I kept hearing this sound and I looked in this little hole/cave like area in the side of the hill (which was very stupid btw. Do not do this. There could've just as easily been a mountain lion in there with cubs and I could've gotten my face torn off. But I digress.)

Anyway, I pulled back a bunch of mud and muck and I found this little kitten.

Now, to me it had just looked like a little tabby cat kitten.

I was too young to know the difference or to know that you should not pick up wild animals.

But I did anyway.

It was tiny and covered in what I now realize was basically amniotic fluid.

I remember freaking out because I thought it was bleeding and it was a little bit because half it's damn right ear was gone.

That's when I saw what must've been the momma...dead.

She'd clearly been attacked and there were little kits on the ground next to her.

All dead.

No one had survived but this little stinker and it was barely kicking as it was.

Clearly, it escaped with just part of the ear missing.

So I did what you're not supposed to do...

I tucked it in my jacket and headed back to Sarah Beth who nearly killed me for running off.

Now, I know some of you might believe this next part and some of you make thing I'm totally nuts.

But I believe in reincarnation.

And I believe that that little kit was my Granny being reborn into this world again.

I know some of you think I'm nuts.

But here's the kicker.

That was a bobcat.

And no I should not have touched it.

Especially when I saw the momma but it just didn't click in my head.

Now the reason that this is so important is because my Granny's nickname was Bobcat.

Pap called her that since they were children and they lived just down the street from each other.

He used to call her "Kitty" when she was little because she was a touch me not and then when she developed an attitude and damn near tore his face off more than once....he called her Bobcat and it stuck.

For 53 years, guys.

She called him Ray, short for Raven, because he was always following her around and mocking her.

Note: Ravens are scavengers and due follow animals. They are also known to mimick sounds and are very good at this.

So, that was one thing that stood out to me but I honestly didn't really think about it until it began to grow.

Now, I took it back and Sarah's parents just about killed us and even though I bawled my eyes out....they turned it over to the authorities in the area so it could be nursed back to health.

So anyway, we head back home and I get there and I'm informed that Granny has passed.

Of course, I'm completely heartbroken.

I remember I didn't even really talk for about three days.

I stayed outside, in the tree house for a couple nights until my Uncle just made me go inside.

I just felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest.

So for a while, I stopped living on an earth centric path.

Several years passed and by the time I was about seventeen...things were really bad.

A lot of things happened in that time.

A lot of dark things.

A lot of really damaging things happened to be and I got further and further away from the light.

Eventually, I was very near suicide and apparently everyone could see it.

I wouldn't admit.

There was no way you'd ever get that out of me but it was gonna happen sooner or later.

A few of my family members and my then boyfriend took me up to the mountains again for about a week.

I mean, honestly, I felt like I was on house arrest.

I couldn't be alone.

Everyone was watching me.

They kept trying to distract or get me to talk.

I was just so sick of it.

So one night I woke up in the middle of night...and just went outside.

Which mind you...is stupid to do in the mountains.

Especially, in that particular area because it's entirely possible to have a mountain lion or a bear out there.

Don't do that. I was an idiot.

So anyway, I go out in my fucking pajamas with a cigarette and nothing else.... like a nutcase and I'm sitting there on the railing smoking something I managed to bum off this kid at the front desk at the cabin check ins.

And then I hear something.

I look around and I don't see anything...because it's dark and I couldn't be bothered to turn on the light.

Honestly, it's miracle something didn't eat me just to get rid of my stupidity.

I'm serious.

Well, anyway.

I look over and there sitting on this porch swing...is a bobcat.

Now, I wasn't a total idiot and I did realize that there was a bobcat sitting there on a swing not three feet from me and if I pissed it off....it could easily fuck me up.

So I froze and then tried to back into the cabin.

I knew that typically they tended to shy away from human and here this one sat on the porch swing close to me and that if it had rabies that could cause erractic behavior.

I also knew that they were super fast and had crazy sharp claws.

So since I didn't favor being turned into shredded chicken any time time...I tried to back again.

Attention: Do not fucking run from them as it will provoke them to chase you. Same with mountain lions. Please for the love of gods, do not fucking run from mountain lions. You will not win and it will not end well. That sounds savage but I'm just telling you.

Anyway, I get back into the house and I stop because in what little light there is outside I see a shadow of this fucking bobcat....with half of it's fucking ear missing.

And I just freeze like an idiot.

And then I started crying because I was positive that this was the little kit that I found several years back.

Eventually someone heard me and jerked me back into the house before turning the light on and making enough noise to run it off and wake up everyone else.

I was lectured.

I was hugged close enough that I could feel my lungs squeeze.

I was told that we were going back home.

However, I begged them to stay.

I told them I'd talk.

I'd work through it.

Honestly, it was more than anyone had heard from me in a long time so we stayed.

Pap was with us on that trip and finally I broke down and told him about the bobcat, and the one I'd found...and why I got so emotional about it.

He understood and the next morning I saw him sitting in the swing with coffee in hand...and that bobcat was on the side of the hill, head down on it's paws, just looking at him.

I remember I tried to get his attention to keep him safe but he just told me to come on outside.

I was cautious but I went because I trusted Pap and sat with him.

He looked at the bobcat and looked at me and he said, "You know that's your Granny."

I'll be honest.

It chilled me to the bone because there was no way I was going to say that outloud.

Given everything that had happened to me and my depression...I knew saying that would get me put into a glorified looney bin.

Call it what you will but we all know what it is.

I remember trying to beat around the bush and he called me on it more than once.

He told me that he just knew and that he knew that I knew...because Granny and I always had that connection.

I remember him pointing out the ear.

Now, it's important to know that my Granny was a cancer survivor.

She had it four times and kept pulling through.

However the last time had caused her to lose a good chunk of her ear because they had to cut it out.

I had honestly forgotten about it at the time because I just didn't see that kind of thing when I looked at Granny.

I remember him telling me how a normal bobcat would've already run off but that that had to be his "Bobcat" because while she was a touch me not...she always wanted the attention.

He also informed me that while my Aunt was trying to load up my suitcases that morning while I was asleep (so that we would have to go home sooner)....the bobcat was sitting on top of the jeep.

I remember him telling me how she was my guardian all my life and that she was my guardian again now.

I remember just breaking down and crying for hours.

People came out to try and help but Pap just waved them off...and that bobcat stayed there the whole time.

Never moved.

Never did anything.

Guys, I'm sorry if my writing is so broken for this but I get very emotional with this memory.

I'm trying to share things with you because I think it's important to share them but wow, I just really miss her.

Anyway, I'm getting it together.

So, my point is half the family went ahead and went back home and I stayed there in the mountains with Pap, my Uncles for another week.

It was pretty quiet and honestly I felt better than I had in a while.

I stayed in the loft and kept the blinds open.

The bobcat would come back every day and just lay there.

Pap would sit outside and drink coffee and he eventually convinced me start meditating.

I'd do my thing and he'd ask me ever so often if I could mix up something for his psoriasis because it was itching.

I remember telling them that I didn't really remember how to do it anymore but that I had some lotion.

He said nothing being the natural and eventually the guilty got the best of me and I tried my best to make him an oil for it.

I was rusty and it was waaaaaay rough around the edges but he used it anyway.

We actually happened to be there towards the end so that it did actually coincide with a full moon.

Which has less to do with coincidence and more to do with the fact that I ended up in that damn cabin for close to 2 1/2 weeks, lol.

Anyway, it had been a long time since I'd done anything full moon meditation and so I took a minute to do it by sitting in front of the window and closing my eyes.

I prayed.

I focused.

I meditated.

And when I was done and I opened my eyes....there it was again.

It was just laying there until it got up and jumped down on to the porch and up onto the other side of the window.

It stared at me right through the glass and I'll admit to being afraid.

It just stared until it leaned forward and pressed it's head against the glass.

I don't know what possessed me to do it but I just did it too.

And all I could hear was my Granny's voice in my head telling me that she loved me and that it was ok to be sad.

It's your choice to believe me or not because that's not what mattered.

After that, the bobcat just looked at me for a moment and then walked away.

I didn't see it again on that trip after that and then we went back home.

But guys, a few years ago my Pap died and we had his funeral in the mountains because that's where he was from and where his original family was.

So we all went and we got a different cabin so we could stay a week.

I'll be honest, I was really devasted when he died.

The other family that went with us on the trip was my Dad's side of the family.

Pap just went because he loved and cared about me.

So really Granny and Pap were the only ones on my mother's side of the family who really gave a damn about me...and I just felt so empty again after that.

I remember bawling my eyes out again but doing much better than I had the first time.

I was older now and an adult so I got up and got a cup of coffee.

I went out on the porch with my coffee and my poptart (like a fully functioning adult, lol) and sat on the little bench and when I finally looked up I nearly had a heart attack.

There was a bobcat and a raven on the hill side.

Fear and panic were the first things to course through me because hello, bobcat.

The second was shock because what the fuck?!

And then I noticed that damn ear again and I just started tearing up.

I remember actually whispering 'Granny?' and it just laid down.

And that raven...

Which by the way, this is important.

Raven's are not a popular bird in Tennessee. This is usually more of a crow territory but there is a specific popular of ravens that migrated into the mountains of east tennessee years ago. Ok, factoids over, lol.

Anyway, this damn raven just hops up and lands on the railing in front of me...and I'm just sitting there staring at the both of them like I'm looking at Jesus Christ himself.

And I'm just crying because I have no doubt in my mind that that was Granny and Pap.

Bobcat and Raven.

For me, that was magic.

That was the earth and the universe pulling it in.

I don't believe that we ever leave each other.

I don't believe than anything is really ever over.

Have I seen them again since then?

No.

But I like to think that maybe one day when it's my time to go....they welcome me on a walk through the mountains with them.

Thank you for being apart of my little walk down memory lane.

I'm crying again.

Bawling my eyes out actually.

I'm not sad really.

I just miss them and I'm so grateful to have had them in my life.

Thank you, smoochies for listening to me blubber and I hope that sharing my experience with you had helped you.

Much love, all the light and many, many blessings to you.

)0( Kennysaurus )0( Love you forever Bobcat and Raven

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If ya’ll have a specific topic ya’ll want to see discussed on the Witchy Weirdness series just please send it in through the ask box. Thanks and I love you guys.

#witchy weirdness #magic #witch #pagan #earth #earth centered religion #reincarnation #personal experience #kennysaurus #littlemessyjessi #magicalmonday #magicmonday

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tommyboyproductions · 6 years ago

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Reunion pt 1

Story Under Cut

My eyes popped open wide when I felt the taxi jerk to a stop.

"Mm..mm?" I groaned, only then realizing I had dozed off during the long drive to Kawazu.

"Did you have a nice nap?" I heard my mother ask and I turned to her. Still a bit groggy, I nodded, giving my arms a good stretch. I sat still for a few more moments until I realized we still weren't moving. I looked out the window to see a four story apartment building and it was then I realized we had made it. "Well? Aren't you going to get out, silly?" My mom giggled and every ounce of sleepiness I once felt was gone. I burst open the taxi door and nearly fell forward onto the snowy side walk. I was really here! I was finally back in Kawazu and I was standing infront of my new home!

"KIIIIIMMMIIIIII!!!!!!" I heard my name sounding out in my direction. Before I could turn to face the front door of the apartment building, I felt two arms completely engulf me in a hug. "KIMI YOU'RE REALLY HERE!!!!" The voice repeated and I knew instantly it was my best friend Mika. I joined in on her excitement by wrapping my arms around her as well and the two of us simply stood there squeezing each other. I couldn't believe this was real. All of a sudden I felt like I was five years old again!

"MIKA! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M REALLY HERE!!!" I smiled, continuing to grasp onto her.

"ME EITHER!!! THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!!!" Mika clearly felt the exact same way I did and it only got my adrenaline pumping faster.

"YO, KIMI'S HERE!" I heard another familiar voice emerge from the building and I knew it was Dento.

"Dento!!!!" I waved my hand at him, still being embraced by Mika.

"Dude, Kimi!" A third voice was present and I then saw Taro come around from the side of the building. The two boys took no time at all to run over to Mika and I, wrapping their arms around us as well. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so loved and at peace as I did in this moment, covered with my best friends.

"Hi Taro!!!" My voice became more high pitched with every word I spoke and I immediately could tell I was about to burst into the happiest tears of my life. After a few seconds longer of hugging, each of us finally let go and backed away, giving everyone some space. I took my sleeve and whiped my teary eye's, sniffling my emotions back up my nose.

"Oh my god, Kimi, I can't believe you're actually here!!" Mika's face was blood shot red and I had a feeling mine was as well.

"Man, this is gonna be awesome! We're all finally back together again!" Taro cheered while grabbing Dento's shoulders and shaking his friend back and forth. Dento laughed and just that simple sound of his laughter was enough to take me back. Dento always had the best laugh of anyone I had ever known. It was so soft and cheery and even if you were in the worst mood in the world, just simply hearing Dento laugh could turn your mood upside down. I couldn't stop looking from one of them to the other, just taking in the fact that I was right beside them again. I had waited for this day for ten years and it was finally here. They were all right in front of me.

"Do I not get a hug?!" I heard my mother shout out, grabbing each of our attention.

"Mrs. Cho!!" Dento was the first to sprint over, giving my mom a huge hug. Mika and Taro followed and I simply watched, smiling. "You're gonna open the bakery again right?!" Dento pleaded and my mom started nodding furiously.

"Yes, yes, yes! And you guys better stop by as often as possible!! I'll make sure to always bake your favorites!" It was clear my mom was already feeling back at home as well.

"That's like music to my ears, Mrs. C!" Taro swayed back and forth, noticeably unable to stay still. There was just too much going on and each of us were on full blast.

"Mrs. Cho, thank you so much for letting Kimi come back to us!!" Mika wrapped her arms around my mother, giving her a similar hug to the one she gave me. When we were all kids, all of my friends were close to my parents, so seeing them light up around my mother again was another feeling I hadn't felt in ten years. It seemed that everything was going exactly how I had imagined it in my head, which made it feel even more like a dream.

"Of course! She's missed all of you so much. We're ecstatic to be back in Kawazu!" My mom replied and looked up to me. "This move has been long awaited, trust me." My mother's voice was soft and I knew there was a bunch of love behind her words. "Just take care of yourself, okay Kimi?" Her voice grew slightly more serious and I rolled my eyes playfully.

"I will, Mom! And you're right down the road anyways, it's not like I'll be completely on my own!" I nicely argued.

"I know, I know! This is just all very new to me! You won't be under my roof! I feel like you're all grown up already!" My mother looked down and suddenly, I began to pity her a bit. I was so excited to live with my friends, a part of me had forgotten that my mom wouldn't have my dad with her for a while, so she'd practically be alone with her bakery. I walked over as my friends stepped to the side. I gently embraced my mother, resting my head on her shoulder.

"I promise, Mom. I'll come by every single day." I whispered, feeling her sigh in relief. "You'll never understand how thankful I am." I added, leaning back from the hug to see my mom was the one choking up now.

"Oh good grief! Go be with your friends!" My mother laughed, smiling at all four of us. "I'll head to the bakery and get settled in. And you need to do the same here!" She ordered, pointing at me. "And you guys help her! There's alot to unpack and she's a tiny little girl!"

"Don't worry, Mrs. Cho, we've got Kimi's back!" Mika assured her.

"Yeah, Mrs. C! There's nothin to worry about!" Taro also joined in, getting a slight glare from my mother. Although it had been ten years, my mom knew all too well that Taro was sure to be just as mischevious as he was as a child.

"And get plenty of rest! Don't stay up too late unpacking!" My mom continued. "I know, Mom..." I huffed.

"And call me if you need anything!" Another request slipped out. "Your father has his phone on too if you have an emergency!"

"MOM! I'LL BE FINE!" I giggled and shook my head. My mom bit her bottom lip and then exhaled.

"Okay, okay! Just... be safe Kimi." With that last comment, my mom disappeared into the taxi and the engine started back up again. We all waved and Taro playfully winked at her as she got settled back in her seat. The taxi began to move down the road once more and slowly disappeared around a corner. Finally, it was just me and my friends.

"KIMI?!?" Once again, I heard my name being called out and I turned around to see Sayuri, Satoshi, and Yumi walking down the street towards us.

"HEY GUYS!!" I dramatically waved and began jogging toward them. Mika, Taro and Dento followed behind and the second I made it to Sayuri, we jumped into each other with another welcoming hug.

"I TOLD YOU SHE'D BE HERE!" Satoshi claimed the other side of me, once again bounding me into a group hug. These types of welcomes would never get old.

"KIMI, YOU'RE BACK!!" Yumi joined in the cheering, grabbing me from the back. "OH, GOSH GUYS, I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!" I melted into them as much as I possibly could. If I could stay in any moment for the rest of my life it would be this one, for sure.

"We missed you too, Kimi!! So much!" Sayuri answered me.

"Yeah, we all agreed you're not allowed to bail again!" Satoshi poked me with his finger, trying to get his strict point across. When the hug ended, all seven of us formed a circle.

"I'm never taking my eyes off you! Not once!! I don't want you to disappear!" Yumi whined.

"I promise, guys. I'm never, EVER, leaving again." I inhaled, trying to calm my jitters, but it was no use. I knew I'd be hyped up for atleast the next week or so. Or maybe even the next month!

"Did you like, Tokyo?"

"Yeah, are you gonna miss it?!"

"What was the big city like?"

"Did you make friends at your other school?"

"Did you meet any famous people?"

"Our town is the size of a snail compared to that, right?" Questions were being whirled at me from every direction and I answered as many as I could keep up with. I felt a calm wash over me knowing my best friends were still interested to hear about my life in Tokyo. I wasn't too sure how they'd feel about me filling them in on it, but it seemed to be a pretty simple task. The longer we stood there, the more we talked and simply gushed over each other. Although they hadn't seperated, I could tell they all felt suddenly closer just on the account that I had come back. I knew it would be this way no matter who left. Our friend group just wasn't the same when we were missing someone. And then I felt as if someone was kicking me in the back of my brain. How had I not noticed?! Why was I just realizing?! Was I really so excited I became completely oblivious?! Everyone was there except for Ryuu! What the heck was going on?! I blamed my not noticing on adrenaline, but now that I had noticed my gut suddenly twisted into knots. Where was he? Why wasn't he the first person there? I knew it would be a little odd since he hadn't written me in so long, but my heart always just told me he was busy. Surely he hadn't forgotten I was coming back... My ears blocked out everything being said around me and I began looking down the street we stood next to. Then I looked in the other direction. There wasn't anyone in sight.

"Hey, Kimi, you okay?" Yumi looked oddly at me and I returned her gaze.

"Oh! It's nothing I just... where's Ryuu? He's the only one not here!" I stated, obviously bothered by the lack of his presence. Suddenly, all the chatting stopped and it was silent for the first time since I had arrived. I stared blankly at everyone who awkwardly began avoiding eye contact with me. This only got more weird?! "Guys?" I asked, suddenly confused by the mood change. "Is he on his way?" I asked again. Why did everyone start acting so odd?

"Oh, uh, yeah!" Taro began, scratching the back of his head. "You know! Ryuu, that guy... He's uh, he's just--"

"Running late!" Dento interjected, "You know he's never been good with times and... stuff"

"Yeah, he probably just got caught up doing something!" Yumi jumped in, but I couldn't help but just stare at them. Was there something I missed?

"Oh...?" I replied, raising my hand to my hair. I twirled it nervously without even noticing until Satoshi wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Don't worry, Kimi. You have plenty of time to see Ryuu! He lives here too after all. He'll probably be back some time tonight!" I could tell Satoshi was doing his usual 'Satoshi thing'. Calming me down. I looked at the ground and then back up at everyone. Satoshi was right. I'd have plenty of time to see Ryuu! I had just gotten back after all and having even one of my best friends there was a dream come true. But I had all six!

#sideb

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mrsjihyunkim · 7 years ago

Text

20 Seconds of Bravery Ch 8

First

When I woke up I felt something heavy and warm on me. I looked down and saw V's arm draped a crossed my waist. Everything from last night came crashing back in my mind and I remembered asking V to sleep with me. I turned over slowly and was relived that it wasn't all a dream. V's arms tightened around me and I was now only inches from his face. The closeness made me blush but I noticed that he had strange looking scars around his eyes. They were very faint but they looked like thin stab marks from some blunt object. It filled me with both rage and sadness to know that someone did that to V. I reached up moved some stray hairs out of his face and he stirred a little bit. He looked so peaceful and happy; I almost didn't want him to wake up. Although he always tried to appear fine I can always tell that there's something on his mind. Almost like guilt or some kind of loss. It always made me wonder but I knew better than to push. We had plenty of time to share our tragic backstories. V began to stir again and I could tell he was waking up. I didn't want him to find out I'd been staring at him so I closed my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I heard him yawn and I waited to see what he would do next. I could feel his eyes staring at me and I hoped I wasn't blushing. He held me tighter and I could feel his breath on my face. I could feel his hand in my hair and I was going nuts not looking at him. I slowly opened my eyes and he smiled at me. "Good morning." he said as he kissed my forehead. I smiled and brushed the hair out of his face. I let my hand rest in his hair twirling it.

"Good morning. Did you sleep ok?" He nodded sleepily. I could see that he was still really drowsy and it made him seem like a little kid. "You're really cute when your drowsy. Are you not a morning person?" He shrugged his shoulders and pulled me closer to him for a quick peck.

"I can be if I need to but everything I need is already in the bed so why get up." He said it so casually without a care in the world.

"I'm not that great. I'm honestly surprised I didn't push you off the bed." He laughed and opened his eyes fully.

"I mean you did smack me in the middle of the night while you were having a nightmare, but I'm fine." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I don't remember having a nightmare. Are you sure?" He nodded his head and I began to think. I honestly didn't remember having a one and I almost always remember them because they wake me up.

"I'm not sure what you were dreaming about. You were just tossing and turning a lot and I imagine that's how you smacked me." I leaned over and kissed his cheek to apologize. "It's ok. You calmed down after I had you so I made sure to not let go after that. I'm happy that I was able to help you for once." I laid my head on his chest and he rubbed my back.

"You really did. Normally my nightmare wake me up and then I can't go back to sleep after that because I'm scared I'll have them again. I would have to fall asleep watching cartoons or something. Come to think of it these last two nights are the first time in a while I didn't wake up on my couch."

"Well like I said I was just happy to finally be able to help you. It's the least I can do after causing so much trouble for you." I couldn't help but laugh at his statment. I sat up and saw the confusion on his face.

"You think you're the one causing me trouble?" He only looked more confused. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh it's just that Searan told me that you can be a stubborn hero. Please don't blame yourself for any of this. I was bound to meet someone eventually so I'm glad it was you." His hand caressed my arm and I laid back down next to him. "Plus you probably don't realize it but I'm glad all of this is happening. Thanks to you I'm not only going out of my comfort zone, but I'm also realizing that I can be happy. It's like my self-esteem is slowly rising and that's as good as any super power. Especially against Jake. He always fed off of my insecurities and used them against me but thanks to you that won't work anymore. I mean I'm still terrified of him but I'm slowly getting less scared of him. Ya know what I mean?" I looked up at him and he seemed to be thinking.

"I think I do. I was once like that. Very insecure and afraid of my self. There was another person that I thought I loved a long time ago and everyone thought we were perfect together. They didn't see us behind closed doors though. We were always fighting and she always said strange and terrible things when we were alone. It made me feel like I had to hide it from our friends but that didn't do anyone any good. It wasn't until we actually seperated that I was actually able to get better and see the truth."

"Is she the one who did that to your eyes?" He smiled a little but then looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "When I'm this close I can see the scars. I've seen my fair share of injuries so I can tell that they weren't self inflicted and that it was done by something blunt." This time he chuckled a little.

"You sound like some kind of doctor."

"Not really. Just more of an expert on pain." He let out a heavy sigh and seemed to be thinking again.

"Yes she's the one who hurt my eyes." He stared up at the ceiling as if he was recalling the memory. "We were having another fight. She was accusing me of not loving her, as she always did, and I told her it wasn't true. Then she asked me if I'd still love her even if she hurt me. Of course I told her I would and she seemed happy. Later on that day I went to the store and she was angry that I didn't tell her that I went. When I told her I went to the store she didn't believe me. She kept insisting that I was with another lover because I couldn't handle her darkness. She called me a liar and a hypocrite. Then in her anger she gouged me in the eyes." Hearing V's story made me realize who he was talking about and I debated if I should ask him. I didn't even realize that I had started crying until I felt V wipe them away. He was still looking at the ceiling and I was surprised he knew I was crying. "It means a lot that you'd cry for me but it's unnecessary. It's all in the past."

"How did you know I was crying?" I asked still surprised.

"I could smell them. My eyes have been in this state for over a year and a half so my other senses have began to adapt." His voice sounded so sad and I wished there was something I could do.

"Is there nothing that can be done to save your eyes?" He simply nodded and I felt a little happier.

"Yes. There's a surgery that could fix them and it's a 99% success rate." Before I could even ask why he hasn't gotten it he continued. "I just chose not to get the surgery because I've always believed that I deserved this pain. I always felt like I failed my lover and this was my punishment." I sat up in the bed and stroked his hand.

"You sound like some kind of masochist." We both laughed and he shurgged his shoulders. "No one deserves abuse and to justify something like that happening to you shows a lot of compassion. I do wish you'd reconsider the surgery though."

"To be honest I've been think about it more and more lately. When it happened I never thought I'd find another reason to see. I thought I made my peace with it and then I met you. You were the first thing I saw clearly in months. Then you told me about Jake and you got hurt in that tree. Both of those times my vision was blurry and I thought you'd disappear. I began to wonder if I could really protect you the way I am now." He sat up with me and played with my hair. "That's why I've been thinking about the surgery more and more."

"I'm glad that your reconsidering it but I don't think that I should be your soul reason for doing it. I'll still love you even if you don't get it. I don't what a knight in shining armor to protect me. I want someone who will comfort me when I'm having an attack or reassure me when I need it. I want someone who is kind and compassionate. I want you." He seemed to be surprised by my words. "Just think about other reasons why you want to see. Think of all the things you'll never get to see again, like family photos, or your old home. Memories fade as you make new ones that's why sight is so precious. I mean if I couldn't see photos of my mom I probably wouldn't really remember what she looked like. Do you see what I mean?" He placed his hand on his chin and seemed to be thinking.

"I think I understand what you mean, and although my past is something I'd rather forget, I want to see my future with you. So please understand where I'm coming from. I don't want to become a burden for you if I completely lose my sight." I let out a frustrated sigh and he looked sad. I honestly didn't know why I felt so annoyed. I should be glad he wanted to fix his eyes but I couldn't help but to be annoyed at me being the reason for it. The more I looked at those sad blue eyes the worse I felt for getting angry. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

"V, I have nearly crippling anxiety and depression. If anything I'm constantly worried about me being the burden and you leaving. I mean my brain is still a mess around you. The idea that you love me has me completely baffled and my brain keeps telling me that your playing some kind of joke on me. So me thinking that you're a burden is never gonna happen."

"You really have become more bold since I met you. I think it suits you." I felt my face blush and V laughed. I was about to say something when a loud grumble came from my stomach and then the same sound came from V. He began to laugh so hard he fell off the bed and dragged me down with him. I landed on top of him and our heads banged together. I was now laughing with him as I rolled off of him onto the floor. "Sounds like it's time to get out of bed. What would you like to eat?" I honestly hadn't thought about food since I woke up this morning.

"How about eggs in a basket? They're quick and I need to use my eggs before they expire." V stood up and held his hand out to me.

"That sounds perfect." He said as he pulled me up. I smiled and leaded the way to the kitchen. I pulled out the eggs, butter, and bread. "Do you need any help?" I shook my head.

"Nah. Just sit tight, it'll be done in a few." He nodded and sat down at the table. I watched as he tinkered on his phone and even tried to sneak taking pictures. "I saw that." I said shooting him a look.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said with a coy smile. As I whisked the eggs I noticed he was looking at his phone.

"So how's the RFA today?" I asked as I poured the eggs into the bread.

"Yoosung is bragging to Hyun about how he met you. Now Zen is practically begging to come over here." He laughed a little. "It's funny how excited all my friends are about you. I knew they would be curious but I never thought Zen would offer to clean my house in order to meet you." Now I was laughing.

"I mean I'd be fine with Zen coming over but isn't he really allergic to cats?" I asked flipping to bread.

"Yes he is. How did you know that?" His question kinda surprised me because he almost sounded suspicious.

"Shelby was an extra in a musical that he stared in last year. After that she became a pretty big fan. She knows everything about him and it drives Eric crazy." I went to go get the plates out when V hugged my waist. "V?" He rested his head on my shoulder and hugged me tightly.

"Are you a fan too? Do you prefer men like Hyun?" Right then I knew what this was, he was insecure. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"It's true I am a fan but only of his talent. And as for my preference in men it's pretty obvious. I mean I've only know you for about two weeks and I'm already madly in love with you. You are everything I always wanted and more. And besides guys who like to be the center of attention 24/7 aren't really my type." He still looked a little uneasy. "If it makes you feel better he flirted with me before but I turned him down and avoided the play after that." V's face perked up after I said this. His arms dropped to his sides and a smile crept onto his face. I turned back around and put the food on the plates.

"I have got to hear this story. Please tell it to me." He grabbed the plates from me and took them too the table. It was cute how excited he was.

"There's really not much to tell. Why do you want to hear it so bad?" I grabbed forks and joined V at the table.

"Because I've never heard of such a thing happening to Hyun. I mean he usually stays away from relationships because he doesn't have time. But no ones ever doubted that he can have anyone he's ever wanted. So to get the girl that turned him down is a little bit of an ego boost." He was gleaming like a little kid and I blushed. Zen wasn't the first guy I've turned down so I didn't think it was that big a deal. I took a couple bites of toast while anticipation danced in V's eyes.

"I honestly don't remember the name of the play but it was sometime last year. Shelby had gotten a decent part so I went and saw it with Eric. Well after the play Eric left me alone in the lobby to get get Shelby. I was there for about twenty minutes when Zen walked out. I became really anxious and I remember plan an escape to the bathroom." V laughed and I took another bite of my food. "He was staring at his phone so he didn't notice me at first but then he did. I tried my best to seem uninterested but he started talking to me anyway. My shyness made him think that I was a fan and that made me a little peeved. He told me that he didn't usually hang out with his fans but he would make an exception for me." I paused to take another bite.

"What did you say to him?" V was so amused by my story that he had completely forgotten his food.

"I told him not to flatter himself and that I had no interest in feeding his ego and that I already had plans to take my girlfriend to dinner. That left him speechless enough to run to the bathroom and hide. I haven't been to a play since then." I finished my food and took my plate over to the sink. V began to laugh and I smiled. "You should finish eating before it gets cold." He stopped laughing and looked down at his plate.

"You're right. Delicious food shouldn't go to waste but after I'm done I'm going to tease Zen about this." He beamed like a little kid and I couldn't help but smile. I was glad to have made his insecurities disappear. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I saw that it was an email from a client. My face dead panned. With everything going on I had completely forgotten about work. I had two days to redesign an entire website for Mr. Smith. V took notice of my face and became concerned. "What's wrong? Is it Alex or something?" I shook my head and gave a small laugh.

"No I just kinda forgot about work and now I have two days to redesign a whole website. I really hate to do this but I'm gonna be busy for a bit. I'll get as much done as I can before dinner. Feel free to watch TV or read. The whole wall behind the couch is book shelves. I'm sorry I can't spend the day with you." It felt like I was ditching V but it couldn't be helped. Mr. Smith was my biggest client. V walked over and kissed my forehead.

"It's fine MC. Your work is important so take your time. I'll be fine relaxing for the day, just don't over work yourself." He patted my head and I smiled at him. I watched as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. As soon as I saw that he was settled in with a book I headed to my office and began to work.

#20 seconds of bravery #20sob #v x mc #mystic messenger #my writiting #fan fiction #20sob ch 8

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thestalkerbunny · 7 years ago

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Master Post of OCs

Hell Hostel Edition

Hell Hostel

Ruby Hulme: A human who left her family and home town to seek fame and fortune in New Chicago. However due to the racism of the times, she was turned down from nearly everything; but found work at the Hostel thanks to Sheeper. She's currently a Dancer; but she also is doing the Hostel's every other errand as a part of her Induction.

Grimhold 'Grim' Sheeper: Half Reaper, Half Succubi, All friend shapes, he is a lanky being who only wishes to sing and dance than reap the souls of the dead. He only does so to win his father's approval. Ruby is the first friend he's had in years and he considers her his musical partner.

Grimwald: Sheeper's usually stern, silent and annoyed looking father and Lamby's currently seperated husband. He's the embodiment of 'Im going to WORK MYSELF TO FUCKING DEATH.' He's usually smoking and has a dead lilly in his buttonhole. Sheeper desperately wants his approval.

Lamby Sugars Sheeper: A Buxom busty beautiful Succubi noted for her prominant sheep like features. She's the Grim Sheeper's husband and Grimwald's currently seperated Wife. She's the head liner of the Dante Lounge in the Hostel

The Brothers Black: Lamby's musicians, a group of black cat brothers who came up to New Chicago with Lamby from Louisana. They'd do anything for their girl

Cho: A chinese American Succubi who dyes her hair blonde. She's very dedicated to dancing and does burlesque to save money so she can one day attend a ballet school

Tina: A Very timid Succubi with a cute little nose, she's still very hesistant of the whole exhibitionism thing even though she's been doing it for over a year. She's eager to do her best and doesn't speak up much.

Bella Bell: Lamby's prodigee, she's being groomed to be a headliner one day like a lamby. She's rather naieve about things, but a geniunely sweet person. She's best friends with Charlotte.

Charlotte: Retired the day Ruby showed up because she was in the bathroom vomiting from morning sickness. A very beautiful succubi and the southern belle type, she wants to try and get married to her boyfriend and baby daddy next spring.

Billy the Bull: The Bouncer for the Dante Lounge, no humans get in without a pass. He's apparently Charlotte's baby daddy and plans to marry her as soon as they get enough money together.

White Widower: A FtM Spider monster who runs the bar on his own. He's apparently Kelly's Stepbrother and they are the best of friends. He's the sympathetic ear for all the drunken patrons.

-The Heathens: A group of murderers for hire that seem to operate from out of the hostel.

Kelly Rosie Marple: A pink mothman who aspires to be a musical comedian; but sticks to gunning people down to keep himself in the latest of fashions. He can switch very fast from joking to killing

Johnny Thompson: A church Grim who was raised by a mobster after his church was torn down as a puppy. He has very sociopathic tendancies and has manipulative behaviors beneath a layer of innocence.

Miss Jackson: A gorgous Were-Cat, Miss Jackson is a paid gun for the highest bidder. She often prefers stabbing her victims over shooting them.

Nobody Noone: A shapeshifting being whose default form is unstable and lacks a nose. He spends his days either being a cheap but damned good lawyer for hire and an agent for talent. He seems to work with the Heathens.

Ida 'Itsy Bitsy' Bitten

Glasgao: The Mysterious silent smiling Kunoichi get away drive for the Heathens. She operates a cab service out of her modified hearse; most rides end in her eating her fares.

Hostel Management and Workers

Helena: The Hostel's owner. She was in a very terrible car crash when she was young to the point where she is wheelchair bound and horribly scarred. She refuses to leave her room because of this, but still manages to operate the hotel to maxmium efficencey.

Nurse: Apparently, the being who takes care of the beloved owner of the hostel, Nurse is a Shadow, a symbiotic being who forms an intense bond with a human. Nurse is the eyes and ears of Helena, so she knows everything that goes on in the Hostel. It's possible she's big enough to cover the entire vent and pipe work of the Hostel.

Salvador: A dead small time mobster who was gunned down in the very lobby of the hotel, he lingers around still and acts as the Consierre. He's responsible for making sure everyone is doing what they need to be doing.

Sexy Knickers: A notably purple lust demon who has abstained from following her predcessor's job choices. She runs the elevator and is well known for her dry british accent.

Walled Up Wally: A BellHop who died in the hostel for spying on a mobster's girl thru a peephole. His body is still stuck in the wall and he still spies on people

Boucher: The head of the kitchen and chef, Boucher is actually the first monster brought into the Hostel when Helena was a little girl. He was a Gluttony demon traded in and is actually very depressed over this still. All the vampire waitstaff answers to him and Dimitri is his favorite boi.

Carrigan, Edmund,Killroy and Arthur- Vampires, Waiters, and a Colony, they dutifully serve the Hostel's residents their meals. They do tend to suck dry the steaks which upsets Boucher greatly. They all rag and sort of bully each other around in a 'bro' way.

Dimitri-Damphire and busboy, he's Boucher Favorite. As a Damphire, he is fated to live a half life and will most likely not live long enough to see adult hood. He aspires to be great chef like Boucher

-Hostel Inhabitants/ frequent visitors

Ledago LeDago: a Voodoo Priest who apparently has the money to afford the top penthouse apartment on the top floor. He hosts lavish parties for his godly sponsers and often works as a tailor for the mob.

Mimi Dregwood: the Hostel's Necromancer, she has an entire floor to herself so she can expermint. A cross between a mad scientist and a whore, Mimi is a woman of the world and of science.

Asmodeus Luxuria: A very extravagant Lust demon who no one is really sure what he DOES, but he has money to spare and he spends it very liberally.

Goodhuman: A boogeyman who plays the Piano in the Lobby in the evenings. Is a real gentleman and class act; is somehow related to Asmodeus

Jina: an Ouija board headed spirtualist, she runs a racket doing tarot readings, crystal ball scryings and connects people to the realm of the spirits via spirit skype.

William Peartree: One of the police's top investigative detectives, Peartree is actually a blood slime, capable of identifying any kind of blood. He is a very neat and tidy individual and leads a quiet romantic domestic life with Hackles that he will laugh off if anyone brings it up.

Hackles: A Were-Corgi with temper to spare, he works with the police and is one of their best officers because of his sensitive nose. Although he's the embodiment of literally 'vibrating with anger' he leads a quiet romantic domestic life with Peartree that he will absolutely deny if anyone asks.

Maxim Tentrill: A hardboiled PI who has been recently Inducted into monster society by force. A Shadow being's essance has been tattooed to his arms which will peel of and form defenseive tentacles. Usually works along side Peartree and Hackles; but is unaware of their relationship

Skoll Wilder: Apparently a priest and spiritualist for a church called New Hope. Although fully human, he was inducted into monster society as a child.

Sin: A tiny nun who follows Skoll around constantly. She is actually a Sin Eater, which is an ancient beast capable of purging sin from someone's soul. She was brought down from the mountains to the city by Skoll.

Father Garrett: The head of New Hope Church and Orphanage, he is a kindly werewolf who wishes to help all those in need. He and Skoll have worked together to find homes for Vampires who have been rejected or had to leave the vampires who bit them.

-Two Tailed Yakuza: CAT MOB

Mr Deuce: The leader of the Two Tail Yakuza (basically the Nekomanta mob.) He is immensely ruthless and will kill anyone who gets in his way. His first name is apparently Egg. He runs his operations out of Worth Manor.

Natalia Deuce: Deuce's devoted big wife, when Mr. Deuce is away, she runs the show.

Kristen Worth: Apparently, she's the human who saved Mr Deuce as a kitten from drowning in a bucket. She was in an abusive marriage for the longest of times until her husband mysterious dissapeared and Mr. Deuce became her benifactor. Now she and her daugter are members of the New Chicago Elite

Anna 'Babe' Worth: Deuce's human ward, she's the one who named Mr. Deuce 'Egg.' She doesn't remember her birth father clearly, but sees Mr. Deuce as her father figure (although she doesn't know he's a cat.) She lives on a cat covered house with her mother and is extremely happy with all the kitties.

#TSB talks #Ref #Oc #Master Post #Hell Hostel

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years ago

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DMOUodaye (DMODT 76? Update)

Freya wasn't going to let Levi and keep hurting the way they were. Eren was nursing Viren when the female dragon guided a blindfolded Levi into Armin's room. Darting out from behind the pair, Luca moved to jump up next to Eren where he planted a sloppy lick against his cheek, his son's form of a kiss. Trying to ignore Freya and Levi, Eren couldn't help as he whined softly. The scent of both intruders was unwelcome, and he was confused as to why Levi was blindfolded. It was his hands that needed to be bound... after what had happened. Armin had told him he'd become nearly catatonic, not calming until he had Viren back in his arms. Eren couldn't remember much of what had happened after Levi had pinned him to bed, only that Levi had been so desperate to be with him that it scared the hell out of him, and that the space still smelt of his blood. "Eren, I've discovered a few things. I was hoping I could speak to you and Levi both over it" What could she have possible discovered that she wanted to share? No one wanted to talk about much of anything with him. Even Armin had taken up silently watching him sleep, but that kind of was because he couldn't find the effort to attempt another failed conversation with his best friend who was continually apologising each time Eren's eyes met his "I'm not up to it" Freya frowned deeply at him, Levi sighing behind her "Eren..." "No. Fuck off, Levi. You made your feelings clear. You think I'm fucking useless" Levi's voice was growl, the alpha clenching his hands. Eren's whole body tensed. Surely Levi wouldn't attack with Viren in his arms, and with their Luca by his side "I never said you were fucking useless. Freya's been talking with Hanji. They've worked out why we're both sick... why... why I went feral" So he was the last to know?! It was nice to know that no one trusted him "I don't care" "Eren..." "No. Screw you. Get out, Levi" He felt sick just looking at Levi. He hated that he wanted to cling to him. He hated that he wanted to melt into his touch, leaving him mad at Levi when he was really just mad at himself "Eren, I asked him to come with me so the three of us could discuss this. It's quite important" "It's so important that you'll mess with my instincts? I told you, Levi, they're a mess and you got mad at me" "Would you listen, Freya knows why. She knows why we aren't healing. Why my head's fucked up" Eren glared at them coldly "Why should I care about you, when you couldn't even listen to me?" Freya lost her smile, the female rider looking annoyed. It was rare to see Freya giving him that look, kind of like a scolding mother. It was the kind of look he may have copped a few times when he and Historia got overly enthused practicing magic in Draecia. Historia laughed it off, but Eren never really could. "Eren, you're in pain because your mate is dead" If he was in the mood to laugh, he would have. Levi wasn't dead. The alpha was right there, leaking out his confusing scent that didn't agree with Eren's tender head. Swallowing down a scared whine, he wasn't sure why it started to bubble up his throat. He didn't want to be scared. That's why he needed space. If Freya was going to come in and say Levi was dead, then he wasn't going to play along "Nice to know. You can leave now" "Eren, please. Obsydin's gone from Levi's mind. His sword is shattered beyond repair. You bound part of your soul to that sword. Levi was bound to Obsydin completely. Your bond essentially split into three parts, and now both of you have lost your third mate. You're both sick because he's gone now. The proof is in your scales having returned to green. The scales across your back are now gone. Levi's bonding mark has faded, and you went into heat. You had a drop, while Levi went feral trying to bond with you again" Obsydin? Obsydin was gone? Obsydin and Levi were... a combined package. If Levi was standing there, Obsydin had to be in there too... "It was hardly a true heat" It was more torture. And embarrassing... Bonding had been the last thing on Eren's mind. His body not satisfied with Levi's knot "You're both sick because your bodies are reacting to the loss of a mate. Now, I've talked with your Hanji and she's helped me understand your dynamics better. Eren is scared because his dynamic is subservient to Levi's. He naturally needs protecting, and even if he doesn't realise it, I feel he's also scared given these rooms are underground, like the cell you were kept in. Levi, you're angry because you feel both your mates have left you. Alphas are naturally possessive by nature. Your bond was broken between the three of you. You need to rebond... or mark each other" Eren growled at Freya. He wasn't Levi's bitch unless he said he was. Behind her, Levi muttered sourly "I don't think Eren wishes to bond with me" "You're both going to continue with these symptoms. Your souls are damaged from the loss of your mate. The part of Eren's soul held by Obsydin was freed of his infection, while Levi's soul all but shattered when he thought you dead, Eren. Eren's magic went out of control, causing the widespread damage to the city. Levi, you were transformed as Obsydin left your body. You momentarily lost your mind, allowing the stored magic within in you to surface. Now that Hanji and I have discussed it, we feel that it was Obsydin's leaving infection, your black tears, were what healed Eren. It's only an assumption though. I have never seen such a thing before, though that is hardly unusual when it comes to you both" As Viren released his nipple, Eren wiped his son's lips with his nightshirt before moving to burp him. Luca had decided he wanted him after all, curling into Eren's thigh "So basically, you have no real idea. Bonding may not do anything at all. This is just another experiment for Hanji" "Eren, I know you're upset, but I also know you love Levi. This could help both of you" "No. What would have helped me was if Levi listened to me, and not made fun of me for my "subservient" personality"" Eren didn't want to be mad at Freya. He didn't want to be mad at anyone. He just wanted to not be on the outside anymore. He was tired of people knowing his business before he did. Hanji was probably eagerly waiting for Levi to bite him, just for the results "Eren, please. I only wish to help you and Levi. You know I care for you as a friend. I dislike not... I don't like not being able to help you" Freya's sadness was genuine, which made it so much worse "You're not the one I'm mad at Freya. I'm sick to death of all of this. No one will tell me everything properly. I don't understand and I can't calm down. I just want to lie down here and cry myself to death" Nodding sadly, Freya hugged herself "Perhaps I was too enthusiastic over the possibility of helping you. Historia wishes she could be here, she was always a better friend to you than I, but she's watching her two eggs" Now he'd made Freya feel shittier... "No. She's where she's supposed to be... if I ask you what happened, will you actually tell me? I'm the stupid one of the group who doesn't know. I want to know what happened. You just said my magic caused damage. How much? I've seen Mikasa's cheek, I know she was hurt" "Do you want Levi to stay?" Levi was trying his hardest to beg Eren silently, despite his face being half covered. The omega wasn't sure if Levi's begging was working, or if he was just that much of a push over. He still loved Levi, even when he really did wish he could turn him into a frog. His head was throbbing like crazy, probably just as bad as Levi's, though he liked to think himself stronger for not needing his eyes covered, despite his stronger eyesight. Dropping his gaze from Freya, Eren drew his knees up, turning slightly away from Levi and Freya "Don't come too close..." Levi probably still hated himself for going feral. Whatever Eren felt about it, he knew the alpha would be feeling infinitely worse... yet that didn't mean that attack hadn't shaken him. Levi losing control like that, wanting him so badly... Now that he had a moment to process, he understood. Eren had gone into heat to bond. Levi had gone feral with the want to bond... he simply couldn't process Obsydin being gone though. Guiding Levi to sit, Freya put him on the other side of Luca, far too close for Eren's liking, but Luca was happy enough to climb onto his father, covering his face in licks while Levi tried to stop him, mumbling at him to calm down while Luca ignored his wishes. Having taken up the chair Armin had practically been glued to, Freya let out a long breath "The court asked that you not be informed on all the details of what had happened. Each of us had to give a seperate statement as to what we witnessed, and our parts in what happened at the hotel. It wasn't like we liked keeping things from you, but... well, it's a complicated situation and the world currently thinks you dead. Even Marley has been kept from knowing you both live, given we feel they were behind the attack and attempt on Eren's life" Eren closed his eyes and took a deep breath of his own. It was different hearing the truth from Freya, than from Levi. Levi had been hysterical, where as Freya simply looked disgusted over it "So it's confirmed?" "Yes. Magic was used against you. You had no control over your body, and it's the feeling from the court that it was your semen used against you. A sheet was reported missing from your room. The assumption was that it was used to carry your stolen papers, but we both know how powerful bodily fluids are in spells. We also know you and Levi partook in sex" "Partook" made it sound like some kind of ritual, and not just Eren being horny as hell. The omega's cheeks reddened slightly. He couldn't help that he was so damn loud. Levi knew how to drill him right into oblivion "Now. Levi reported that you had said you couldn't control your body. You ran Obsydin's sword through yourself. Does that not remind of you how Zeke was murdered? Run through on a sword with his partner as the witness" When she put it like that, he had to agree. Someone of considerable power had to be behind the spell, or multiple casters... "Once again, please remember we only have theories. Our theory is that Obsydin protected Levi's mind from any spell effects. We know he stabilised Levi's mind, that he brought him back from madness once the bond between you two was deepened. I'm not saying you will go crazy again Levi, though you may experience mental confusion, or forgetfulness. He is no longer there to fix any issues the strain of carrying him brought. I'm sorry. Yes. Right. Now, Eren, as you've been told you had no pulse and you weren't breathing. You were gone by the time Hanji and I reached you, despite Levi calling for me. As you'd passed, Levi lost control of your magic inside of him, while your magic flowed from you bringing storms and destruction across the city. Steege has worked to repair most of the damage, we also had some dragons fly up to help with repairs. The hotel was reduced to rubble, where we thought you and Levi dead..." "He was dead... you died in my arms..." Mumbling the words, tears rolled down Levi's cheeks from under his blindfold. Eren's heart was breaking for his mate. He'd been through it with Zeke, but for Levi... He couldn't imagine "I'm sorry..." "You were scared... I'm sorry I couldn't fucking stop it. It..." "Levi, no" "You were dead. There was so much blood" Eren knew... he knew exactly what it would have looked like too. Blood on Levi's arms. The sword run through. His fear... He shouldn't have survived "This was a malicious attack on you, Eren. No one blames you for the damage your magic caused. Now, when we pulled you from rubble, you and Levi were encased in a shell of black magic, which turned out to be made from your back scales. We believe whoever cast the spell was acting on Dina's behalf" No blamed him to his face, Freya meant. Storms and destruction had to mean there were victims. His magic had hurt people... and brought down a whole hotel. It didn't matter that it "wasn't his fault". It didn't change a damn thing... "How many... how many people were hurt?" "That doesn't..." "Freya! How many people were hurt?" Freya's gaze dropped "27 hurts in relation to the storm and collapsed roads. 13 confirmed turned to stone. Most Marley soldiers from the hotel" A broken sob broke the silence that hung in the air from her words. He'd killed more people. It didn't matter that they were from Marley. He'd killed them... he didn't even know them... and he'd killed them "Eren..." Pulling the blindfold off, Levi's eyes looked red and tender. The alpha grimacing as he raised a hand to shielded himself from the glowstone light "You didn't..." "I murdered them" "You didn't" "My magic killed them!" In his arms Viren let out an unhappy cry of his own. Hushing his son, he buried his face against his head "Whoever cast the spell is to blame. Not you. You've barely had any magic since Viren was born. If your body hadn't been taken over, this never would have happened" "I'm a monster" "You're not a monster" "I am..." Levi didn't get it. These were people who he was supposed to be ruling over, yet he'd killed them. He didn't even know their faces... They probably had families. They probably didn't even want to be in Europe... "Freya, can you take the boys" "No... please don't take my babies from me. I'll behave. I'll wear cuffs... just don't take my boys from me" "Eren, she's not taking the boys for good. It's so we can talk" "I can't lose my babies again..." "You won't lose your babies. Our babies..." "It's because I'm bad, isn't it" Moving from her seat across from them, Freya knelt down in front of Eren "You're not bad, and I'm not taking your children from you. I've heard bonding can be quite intimate, and not something to be done in front of children" Bonding. Who would bond with him now that they all knew he was a mass murderer? Despite his protests, Freya took Viren from his hold, then called Luca to follow, leaving the pair of mates sitting on the bed. Crying harder at the loss of his son, Eren threaded his fingers through his head as he yelled against his knees. He didn't want his magic to hurt people. He wanted to help them. To help everyone. All he wanted was peace, but he ruined everything he touched. Shifting closer, Levi pulled him into his hold "Shhhh... you didn't mean for it to happen" "That doesn't change anything" "It does" "It was my magic! My magic hurt and scared people!" "You weren't in control of your body" "It doesn't matter! I'm a monster! I'm a monster" Kissing his hair, Levi sighed softly "Eren, you're not a monster. The monsters are those who used that spell" "I'm a child of destruction. They said..." "I don't give a fuck what a bunch of horny alphas and omegas said. You're a storm dragon. You're my storm dragon" "But I'm not! I'm nobody's!" "You're my mate" "Who would want a mate like this! I'm fucking useless... I shouldn't have come back" "Don't you dare say that" "It's true! Why am I alive?! Why did I survive when Zeke died!? No one wants me! I just ruin everything" "I want you. I love you. I've loved you for years, Eren" "No you don't..." Levi's soft lips moved against Eren's hair "I do. I do love you" "You don't!" "I was so fucking scared. I don't remember much of what happened, but holding you. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I can't live in a world where you don't exist" "You're wrong. You... should find someone better" "There's no one else..." "Then find someone... I don't deserve to live... I'm a worthless mate" All his self doubts were ruled by his broken bond. Each time he said no one wanted him, he truly believed it so "You're not" "I am! You said I am!" "I didn't say you were" "I tried so hard to help you, and you said I'm worthless" "I didn't say that" "You should find a new mate. A better mate..." Growling, Levi pulled back before lunging in and sinking his teeth deeply into Eren's nape. Forced euphoria tore through Eren, his body jerking as he forced into orgasm by the intimate action "Levi!" Crying out in pained confusion, Eren didn't know what to do. The bond forcing Levi's love through his body. Pulling back, the alpha moved to offer his neck "Eren Yeager, you are my omega. You're a frustrating fucking shit, but I can't live another fucking day suffering like this, or having you suffer like this, because we are a pair of shitty idiots who couldn't work this out on our own. Mark me" "Wh..." "Mark me. Make me yours. Make me yours and you'll never walk this Earth alone. No matter how bad you trip or stumble, I'll be there to catch you" "I..." "Mark me. If you ever loved me, then mark me" Biting down on Levi's smooth white skin, Eren's bite was much more hesitant. He didn't know what to do. He did love Levi, but what if the court wanted his head for what he'd down. Growling through the bite, Levi's lips were quick to find his, both their mouthes blooded as they kissed deeply. Sharing several long kisses, Eren broke the last kiss to stare into Levi's eyes "I don't know what I'm doing" "Leave it to me. I feel you, sweet boy. I feel your pain. Let me bond with you completely" Whimpering softly, Levi slid a hand between Eren's wet legs "Let me knot you. Let me show you you're not the monster you think you are" "I'm broken" "Aren't we all?" Straddling Levi's lap, sex was still hard on their healing bodies. Levi's eyes closed to guard against the glowstone's headache aggravating light, with Eren letting Levi control the slow pace the work because of his nausea. The omega may have slightly hoped for an instant fix, but then again, he really couldn't say for sure whether he was nauseous from being ill or nauseous with nerves. His fingertips digging into Levi's back as his mate abused his sweet spot relentlessly, already oozing precum across Levi's belly. It felt like the first time all over again. Levi's rough panting, his jerky thrusts as he neared orgasm in a lusty haze, Eren swept away in the feeling of so perfectly full. Sliding his hands up Eren's sides, Levi slipped one up to grip Eren's hair as the other forced him down enough for Levi's teeth to graze against his throbbing new mark "I'm going to come. Are you ready?" Eren was close too, mewing he felt his magic stirring, despite his current dislike for it. Placing his hands on Levi's shoulders, Levi slowed his pace further at Eren's clouding scent "Eren? I'm not going to last... do you want me to pull out?" That wasn't it. This round of sex was far nicer than his heat. His arse burning deliciously as Levi's dick swelled in preparation to flood his womb "No... I... my magic..." "Your magic won't hurt me. I believe in you" How could he possibly know that his magic wouldn't hurt him? Eren wasn't sure how it was going to react. If it would overflow like it used to, or if it'd hurt Levi and reject him because their third mate was now gone. Mouthing and kissing the new mark site, confusing him as to why he was protesting "Trust in me..." "Y-yes, sir" "Good boy... bite me too" The second marking hurt as much as the first, Eren in overload as he came between them. His magic flaring as his orgasm washed over him on the back of the waves of ecstasy Levi's bite brought. Holding Levi's neck in his teeth, he whined as Levi pulsed inside of him, his knot fully flared as Levi painting his insides with thick ribbons of his seed. Releasing his hold, Levi's hands went back to his hips to push him down firmly against his knot. The alpha so blissed out that he released Eren's bloodied neck to brag how he was going to fall pregnant with his pups all over again. Holding the moment until breathlessness forced him to release Levi's neck, Eren blinked down at Levi as he slumped backwards in the alpha's hold. Waves of emotions crashing and tumbling through him. He could see the traces of his magic sparkling across Levi's skin as it faded. He hadn't hurt him... but what was to say one day he wouldn't turn Levi to stone "I don't want to be a monster... I want to be... normal" Crooning softly, Levi pulled him down to lay along his chest. Eren scrunching his eyes closed until the momentary dizziness of the sudden position change passed. Trying to push himself up, he found no strength in his arms, leaving him to pant against Levi as fine tremors rolled through his inner thighs "You're not a monster. You're not. You didn't like killing those people, or even want to. The decision was forced upon you by people who don't understand you" "I..." "Eren, no. And no matter what happens, I'll be a better mate" "You..." "You died in my arms because I hesitated. Your bleeding wouldn't stop... I know you can't understand, but can't get it out of my head" Levi wasn't letting him speak. His messed up omega quick to anger at the alpha's words, growling against Levi's neck "I understand. Zeke died in my arms but my magic didn't bring him back... he was so scared, Levi... and the blood wouldn't stop. I don't want to cause pain" Anger turned back to grief, Eren coughing and clenching around Levi hard enough for the alpha to moan, before starting to hush him again "Shhhh... shhhh... I've got you" "I'm still mad at you" "I really didn't mean to make you feel useless. You came out of heat after being so ill. I knew you wanted to do things by yourself but you were hurting yourself" "You hurt me" "I know. I know and I'm sorry" "You... went feral. I dropped... are we really healthy for each other?" Should they have bonded? He was sure he didn't want to bond again... but there they were. Fresh bond cemented in place by Levi's knotting of him "I think it proves we both needed to bond with each other. That even if we didn't get it, our instincts knew we have to be together" "Have to" made it sound like a chore. Biting his lip so he wouldn't lash out or be swallowed further by the anger and pain that balanced on the edge of his tongue, Eren buried his face against Levi's neck "I know it's pointless to tell you, but you need to accept you're not to blame" It was pointless. All of this was his fault. Dina wouldn't have been dragged before the tribunal if he hadn't run off to Draecia alone, then let himself be kidnapped... coughing again, Levi's hands went to the small of his back "Are you going to be sick?" Releasing his lip, Eren shook his aching head "No... I still feel sick though" "Yeah. Me too. It's probably going to take some time to adjust to him being gone" He didn't know what to say to that, so Eren nosed at Levi's neck, trying to rest as much of his warm forehead against Levi's slightly damp undercut where the sweat was cool "Do you want to try get some sleep? I haven't slept since we fought..." "I want my baby" "Alright. Rest until my knot goes down, then we'll have Freya return Viren" "I don't want my baby taken again. I don't want either of them taken" Eren felt Levi open his mouth, probably to tell him that they hadn't actually taken the children off of him, but wisely the alpha didn't voice those thoughts "No one is taking our sons..." "Don't want them to... Luca was hurt and they didn't tell me" "Luca was hurt?" Levi didn't know? He thought they'd told him "He hurt himself protecting Viren" "No one told me..." "He was bleeding because of me" "No. Not because of you. When I find the arsehole who did all of this, I'm going to kill them" A shiver ran down Eren's spine, eliciting goosebumps across his cooling flesh as it did. There'd been so much death. Too much death... but this was his baby boy. Luca was innocent and he'd been through so much. His maternal instincts might demand murder, but he didn't want to be that kind of mother... though, he wouldn't say no to at least punching them once right in the nose for that they did to his boy... and maybe a second and third time for Levi and Viren. The public would probably at least like to put a name to the person who'd caused everything. Whoever it was was going to find themselves shunned wherever they went, and openly judged for their crimes. That would be punishment enough. * Eren and Levi were both still ill, but as it'd been two weeks since the incident, the tribunal had decided that enough time for recovery. Called before the tribunal, they were allowed to stay together as they stood in front of the row of strangers. Holding Eren's hand, Levi was rubbing the back with the pad of his thumb as Eren told the court of what he remembered of that day, which was next to nothing. Listening to his omega, Levi tried to organise his own thoughts. He still couldn't understand how everything had fallen apart, and the harder he found himself trying to recall the time after he'd just woken, the faster those memories seemed to slip away. He hadn't told Eren, but there seemed to holes all over his memory. Their days before Obsydin were jumpy and blurry, outside of Eren things just seemed... fuzzy. Eren's time in Draecia was nearly gone, other than the fleeting memories of the elation that each of Eren's letters would bring, the daily updates where his mate didn't mince words or shy away from expressing his opinion, despite Levi being the "prince". Then nothing from his time of wandering in Marley alone, perhaps because Eren wasn't there? If he told his mate, Eren would only worry himself back into a drop. He could feel his mate's pain through their newly reformed bond. Sometimes he could feel too much of Eren's pain, now able to tell that his omega was one bad wind away from falling back into a drop. He knew Eren was always trying his hardest to be strong, and this bond showed just to what degree that struggle was. The tribunal began with their questions once Levi had recounted what he could remember. Eren whining and gripping his hand harder as he talked of his "death". Levi's voice trembling as unwanted memories of Eren's bloodied body came to mind. He wasn't ashamed to admit that he wasn't over it, he just hoped the tribunal hadn't thought it an act to illicit sympathy. Then promptly scowled in their direction, annoyed that he cared what they thought. Eren had been viciously attacked, and now they were standing before the tribunal at a ridiculously early hour as they wished to hold all of this before Dina's trial proceeded for the day. With the length of things so far, Freya had confidently informed them that a decision was going to be reached soon. Now, Levi wasn't quite so sure. If they believed Eren attacked, and investigated the attack under their own initiative, did they really need to be recounting the fact that neither of them remembered the crucial moment of Eren's magic going out of control. They didn't seem to care about Levi's glare, they were quite direct and brutal with their questions for the pair of them. At least Freya had been gentle as she'd filled them in, the tribunal was just as cold as they'd been when Eren was first called to testified. He shouldn't have been shocked, yet he was given now that he was feeling Eren's emotional pain as he was reminded that he killed people and destroyed a city. Levi felt as he was going to be physically sick as the pounding in his head matched the pounding of his heart. Eren was still struggling to keep food down, though he had managed not to throw dinner up, which Levi took as a win. Now he could see why his omega had refused to eat that morning. If he had, the tribunal would probably have been even more merciless if Eren threw up across the floor. Answering the questions the best they could, Eren collapsed against him when Obsydin's sword fragments were placed before them. Eren crying for the lost dragon, Levi's eyes filling with tears over the blood across the blade. There was no hope to "reforge" the bone blade. The dragons scale cracked and singed, the diamonds blackened, and the leather burned off the grip completely "He... he's really gone" Guiding Eren to kneel, his omega clutched at his chest. Their children hadn't been allowed within the courtroom while they testified and now Levi was grateful for that. Threading his fingers in his mate's long hair, his other hand went to the small of Eren's back "He is... he really is" Gasping for breath, Eren buried his face against Levi's shoulder as he shook. Nuzzling into Eren's hair, Levi crooned softly. He really didn't give two fucks what the tribunal thought, Eren was on the edge of a panic attack, caused by the lot of them "You're ok. You're ok. Deep breaths" "I can't" "I know you can" "I... can't... can't... breathe" "Eren, you can breathe. In through your nose and out through your mouth for me. Nice and slow" Coaching his own breathing, he didn't need to resort to a command as he slowly brought Eren's breathing back under control "Good boy. That's my good boy. See, you're ok" "He's gone" "I know. I know. Keep breathing for me" "I can't do this... I need air" "Alright. I'm going to lift you, ok?" Normally Eren would be too stubborn to let him. He'd keep his public persona until they were safely away from prying eyes, but illness had stripped the mask away and his scent held a worrying edge. Slipping Eren's robes into a more appropriate position, he lifted his omega, making sure he was covered. Keeping his face against Levi's neck, the alpha could smell how warm his forehead was. Both of them suffered from randomly rising and falling fevers, with Eren's worse than his own. Looking from his mate to the tribunal, the woman Eren had taken a liking to was on her feet "I'm sorry. If you push him any further right now, he'll go into a drop. We've both told you everything we know, which is a whole lot of nothing. I'm sure you all understand what it is to have a bond. Obsydin was our third mate, both our souls were bonded to him, and now you've shoved his remains in our faces. I would love to give you the answers on who did this, I would love to get my hands on him and return the favour, but I need to put my omega first" Levi didn't wait to see the tribunal's reaction. Carrying Eren over to the doors that lead down to the quarters they were using, the were let through by a waiting guard. On the other side, in the passageway, Mikasa and Armin waited with Viren and Luca "What happened? Is he..." "He needs rest. They showed us what remains of Obsydin's sword" Mumbling "baby" against Levi's neck, the alpha hushed him softly. He didn't need to tell Armin and Mikasa to bring their children, both falling into step behind them as Levi moved towards their room. Armin had lost his original room to Eren, but now they'd testified, hopefully they'd be allowed to stay somewhere more agreeable. It wasn't fair on Eren to be made to live underground like a caged monster. Settling Eren down on their bed, Mikasa placed Viren in his arms. Eren was quick to cuddled into their son, the baby boy awake as he reached for a strand of Eren's long hair. Patting their bed, Luca jumped up to settle down with his head on Levi's thigh, giving a bored huff as he did "Can I get you two anything?" "No. Thank you. We both just need some rest" "We'll be here, if you need us" "Thanks" They had water, food and herbs. Levi had learned that it was best to let Eren mix the herbal treatments to aid with the headaches, or his omega started to drop again. His love was almost literally allergic to standing still. Having people take care of the simplest of roles sent Eren spiralling into depression over his uselessness. His "melancholy" after birth hadn't helped, but the loss of Obsydin had only made the pain his mate felt ten times worse. He knew, because Levi also fucking hated how his own mood was just as messed up. He'd dropped a fork and cried. Thankfully Eren had been the only witness and he understood. Maybe later he could push his pain aside and they could head upstairs? Eren said he needed air, and Luca had just huffed out another sigh. Even if they didn't leave the courthouse, the could find a room where they could open the windows and let some actual fresh air in. The more he thought of his small plan, the more sure he was that that was exactly what Eren needed. They couldn't hope to break the cycle of depression while trapped in such bleak accomodation. * Forced to nap by Levi, or rather, lulled unknowingly into a nap by Levi playing with his hair, Eren was confused as to what was happening. When he'd woken, Levi had pressed kisses to his hair before telling him he had a surprise. Getting up took more effort than it should have, then came a trip to the bathroom, a forced lunch, and finally his surprise. Walking through the courthouse, Eren really was oblivious. He was glued to Levi's side as they slipped out of the stairwell and into the main passage of the courthouses ground level, his heart dropping at the idea of seeing Obsydin in pieces again. It wasn't fair. He was never supposed to come into their lives in the first place. He'd fucked everything up. Messed with his head. Then had somehow decided he cared for him. Pieced Levi back together and brought him back home for him. Now he was gone again. He knew he shouldn't miss him. That it was healthier for Levi for Obsydin to be gone... but he missed him... he stupidly missed him. Letting Levi guide the way, his already shaking legs were forced up yet another staircase, then along a passage he didn't know. Finding the door he seemed to be looking for, Levi let them into a room he'd never seen before. The room was a simple sitting room, yet with its wide floor to ceiling windows, and opened balcony doors, Eren nearly melted on the spot. Sun and fresh air. It felt like years since he'd felt it. Not realising he was leaving side, the omega crossed to stop short of the open doors, closing his eyes and drinking in the feeling of the sun against his skin. The air smelt... amazing. He could smell the sun. Well, not the literal sun, but the warmth and mostly comforting scents of things like fresh bread in the air "I asked Freya to help me secure permission to come up here while the trial was on for the day. Depending on when you woke that is. I think we have about three hours up here before we need to head back down" Three hours wasn't much. He definitely didn't want to be underground again "I feel so much better being in the sun..." "I thought you'd like it. I had wanted to take you for a walk, so Luca could stretch his legs for a bit, but the tribunal said to hold off until we reappeared in the gallery" Wankers. No. Yes... they were and they weren't. They did have their own jobs to do, but essentially they needed them to act as bait in the courtroom so they could watch for any reactions they deemed out of the ordinary "I understand. I've missed the sun so much. Even at the castle, I was inside so much" "I know. Just a little bit longer and you'll be able to sleep as much as you like, in the sun" "Do you think they'd be mad if we slept in the sun in here? I feel so sleepy, and the air feels so good" "We can do whatever you please. I did have to promise we wouldn't trash the room" Levi may have been joking, but Eren wasn't quite up to that stage of recovery "Let me move the sofa, it'll be more comfortable than the floor" "It's honestly fine. The floor is probably warm from the morning sun shining against it" "Eren, we share the same uncomfortable shitty bed" "I know... do you think they'd be mad if I cast a little magic" "What were you thinking of trying?" "I want to wash our clothes. Or at least try to. We're taking baths out of buckets because the shower water is never warm enough after everyone uses it" Coming to his side, Levi's shoulder bumped his "Do you think you can do it?" "I honestly have no idea... I can try on the balcony first? In case I..." He was getting carried away. Hadn't he cried on Levi's shoulder that he wanted to be normal? "If you want to try, then try. Viren and Luca get hot water, but it's not the same as a hot shower" Levi sounded half desperate for one, it'd been torture for his neat freak alpha to have to "slum" it in the cells "You'll... you'll make sure, right? That my magic..." "Eren, your magic won't hurt anyone. I've seen you use this spell. I know how safe it is. I trust you" "I haven't used it in a while" "If you want to try, then try. I know you miss your magic" "I'm scared of it" He sounded pathetic, mumbling the words as Levi nudged his side "I'm here. I promise you'll be fine. Besides, the sooner you cast, the sooner you get that nap in the sun" Letting out something akin to a pleased purr and a moan of happiness, Levi laughed softly "You dragons really are like oversized cats" "I wouldn't mind having a cat... or a dog..." "When we get our house together, you can have all the animals you like. But for now, shower?" "One shower for my impatient alpha" "I'm not impatient. No normal human likes being covered in their own filth... Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Let's shower?" Drawing water from the air, it took Eren a few attempts to stabilise his magic into a warm shower for be and Levi. Straddling his alpha's lap, soft and slow kisses passed between the pair under the warm water. They hadn't thought about the lack of soap, but it didn't stop Levi from massaging his scalp and shoulders. A spell on the door prevented them from being interrupted, as Levi turned him to putty in his arms, before laying him down to eat him out on the balcony. Rolling onto his hands and knees, Levi pulled him back into his lap, his alpha burying himself easily with his sopping and stretched opening. This afternoon was fast becoming the only afternoon he liked. Just him and Levi. No prying eyes. No expectations. Warm sun glistening through their shower, creating a small rainbow. Water rolling down between them, pooling in the grooves of his shoulder blades then expelled with each deep thrust. Broken apart, and feeling stripped bare Levi pulled out before he knotted him, laying Eren back down Levi fucked him hard and recklessly, Eren's back scraping against the stone of the balcony as he came between them. His magic faltering, cutting off the stem of water. Cupping his face, droplets fell from Levi's eyelashes, a dopey smile on his lips as he was bent into two so his alpha could kiss him sloppily. Yeah. The sun. The water. Levi's beauty and fresh air. Beginning to purr, Levi nipped at his bottom lip, tugging on it playfully. This was definitely the happiest he'd seen his lover since they arrived here. He could feel it through their bond. Releasing his lip, Levi leaned back in to nuzzle his nose against Eren's cheek "You look so beautiful like this. Your scales are shimmering in the sun. I'd forgotten how green they were" "You're the beautiful one. God. I don't want this moment to end" "Neither do I. I have you all to myself and you're smiling. I missed that smile of yours" "It's the first time I've felt like smiling. I can use my magic again, and you're here. You're here with me... to stop me going out of control" "Of course I'm here, sweet boy. I feel better being up here than down there" "So do I. I feel like I can breathe again. Thank you for this. I needed it so fucking much" "I know you did. Now... the boys are sleeping, I have you to myself... do you still want to nap, or can I entice you into something a little more interesting" Eren snorted, the shrieked as Levi pulled him up to straddle his lap again. Clinging to his alpha, he giggled "You're still coming inside me, and you're planning round too" "Going to fill that stomach of yours until you're all round again" "It doesn't work that way. I didn't have a proper heat. Besides, I just had a baby" He really didn't want to fall pregnant so soon after birthing Viren. Not unless it was with a clutch and a guaranteed two years before he'd be giving birth again... but... Levi's dick felt fucking amazing "I know. It doesn't mean we can't practice... I wonder how fat I can make you with me cum alone" Levi didn't smell like he was in a rut, leaving Eren to believe he was being swept away by the mood. His stomach had settled substantially, and his head no longer throbbed as fiercely "What about my nap?" "You can nap... I'll be more than happy to take care of you as you do" "You're damn right you'll take care of me. When we get out of this city, I expect you to take care of me for the rest of our lives" "I will. I promise I will"

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